Thank you for your feedback! I'm honoured that you put the time into reading the poem multiple times despite not usually enjoying poetry. It's really interesting how the context of our lives affects how we interpret what we read.

Reading this poem I felt as though you were yearning for someone, and that heat represented being close to them, but the final line where you mention the promise of rain, it threatens to wash away what the heat entails. And quite frankly I love it. I also feel like you leave what the heat represents open to interpretation, especially since the first time I read through it I felt as though the heat was framed as something negative but every time I Re-read it I picked up more on more on the fact that the heat was framed as something meant to bring good things as opposed to representing negativity but that's probably because I live in a desert country and I don't really enjoy the heat. I know I didn't provide too much feedback but this is the first time I've willingly read or reviewed poetry and I'm glad I got to start with a poem this good.

Thanks for your feedback! Very cool interpretation.

I like this, for me it is about personal borders. The heat (whatever that is) tends to warp everything- shadows, feelings, and judgement- so we might over-connect with people we might touch and go in milder weather. There’s a certain hazard that comes with the heat, almost too hazardous, to the point of a cold shower being warranted (see the last line). I enjoy the stylized imagery and the repetition of “I want,” it has steamy undertones that might be too obvious but I think that’s the point.

Interesting interpretation. Thank you for your feedback!

There was an essence of desire throughout; one that I comprehended on the first reading, but then it felt relatable on the second. You've chosen a language that shows you want to be ubiquitous, like pollen and humidity and shade. But I guess one difference in interpretation is whether or not the "you" found throughout is singular or plural. Because it could be the desire to be around a single person, like one person wanting to be with another. Or I found it could be the literal heat, or the literal summer speaking to us all. Had to read it a few times to uncover everything I found, which is always cool to come to another realization. Thanks!

Thank you for the clarification! Seems like I mixed up literal and metaphorical trimming.

I guess I mean the poem is thick enough without the referent rain. I prefer my poems to end outward. I see you are a Carson fan: what her work does so well is employ ambiguity (or even randomization) to let the poetry linger. The erotic yearning of the text that cannot be caught. Here the poem felt a little too "complete." I think you can make it a little more frayed.

And no, the blockiness is good. Shows you are attentive to the normative line-length and feels purposeful and crafted.

Thank you for the insightful feedback! Very interesting observation re: the semantic leaps, I agree the lines could a use a better transition. Could you clarify about the ending line being too manicured? Is the poem just too blocky as is?

Hello

I love a block-y format. Generally I think this is a pretty successful lyric and you seem like one of the most capable poets on this sub. Language feels honed and the images feel exacted. The lines feel right. The tone is consistently humid. Nice work.

So here's a more complicated quibble: the leaps are almost working for me. The move from asphalt into night into pollen is asymptotically good, but there's something in between these that feels, I don't know, not right. Asphalt to night is great, but pollen seems to stretch the topoi a little far for me-- we have a close semantic leap and a distant one in the same breath, argued the same way--it's a little hard for me to situate these leaps when they feel so disproportionate together. Maybe I'm missing something. I think there might be something else between the leap, either another image or a revised move away from the flora. I'm not sure that this human-constructed image, the asphalt-as-a-symbol-for-eros, and the disintegrated 


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look 

Thank you for your feedback! I'm glad you enjoyed the poem.

warm wet and welcoming. i love it! perfect for the summer

Thank you for the feedback! Glad you enjoyed the poem.

Holy crap. This is amazing yet toxic. I love this so much. Pollen, contruction dust… you want to suffocate… i just want to be the air, not its toxic freeloaders. But yes, i get this. but I don’t want to be exhaled, I want to be inhaled. And then i want to be inhaled again. And again and again. 

I loved the visual of the exhale tho, it was super dynamic

The heat stretches asphalt into taffy, warping  
our shadows into a single mass. I want to sink  
into your shade, slide under your shoe and into  
something approximating your shape, growing  
until I envelope you with nightfall. I want to be  
pollen, humidity, construction dust, saturating  
you with the comingling smells of sugar and tar.  
I want you to breathe me. Exhale: one puff and  
I'll burst into seed, dandelion-headed, a weed  
achieving flight. An everyday impossibility, this  
melting afternoon, the shimmering haze, sky  
body-warm and pulped with clouds. Everything  
feels sticky and languid in this weather; like  
if I touched you now, we'd never come apart.  
The air is already thick with the promise of rain.

&amp;nbsp;

[feedback 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vjxvto/emerging_from_depression/idmejz3/) / [feedback 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vjzkij/longing/idmisii/)

Melting