You realized the “cameo”! Hats off to you, sir! I’m very surprised anyone realized it. And yeah, that comma was probably not right, it was just to let the readers know about that little pause I wanted them to give after reading “hill”. Thank you for your response :)

this is a fun one. maybe no comma after ‘hill’? also wondering if that last line is from fight club lmao

Hey that's good too. I guess I misinterpreted the meaning but thats the great thing about poetry, it leaves so many things to interpretation. Anyways, good job

Thank you very much for your comment :)

But I actually tried to do the opposite. Since I’m an Anarchist, I think of how the standard ants work for their lives without any breaks for the queen, and how they have been manipulated into this lifestyle by their brains and say “the ants’ betrayal is them freeing themselves, taking over the queen, who doesn’t care about them and only uses them to survive”. The ant on the hill being their leader, being the insane man I adore.

Pretty short and to the point. I concur with the other comment, maybe the first comma is not necessary, that being said the haiku has good imagery. It reflects and depicts the feeling of betrayal but conveys it through the imagery of an ant, almost as if giving the reader another perspective, because betrayal is a human emotion but here you describe it through the lens of an ant. Succinctly you managed to encapsulate an emotion and transfer it to the animal kingdom and make the reader emphasize with the queen.

You give a different take. The common assumption, you forsake.

Awwww, well, of course then :)

But still, you understanding it, seeing it and appreciating it this way is still something to thank I’d say. I’ll post some of my other works as well then :)

I’m grateful you posted it; I’m always acutely aware that the poetry people post is simply the poetry they’ll allow others to read - those same people likely have volumes of never-before-seen work that a great many of us would enjoy.  

I can be a bit of a snob when it comes to that which personally entertains or inspires me, *especially* when it comes to poetry. The fact that I enjoyed this piece this much tells me you probably have others that would also speak to me. That’s why I thanked you; you could have just as easily *not* posted this, ever. Then its existence wouldn’t have ever crossed into mine. So thank you.

Awwww, thank you so much for your comment, it really means a lot to me :) I should be the one thanking you :)

This is great! It’s colorful, there’s a lot going on, it tells a story - and a *fun* story at that! I didn’t even notice the Fight Club reference until I saw the other comments. I *do* love me a good haiku, but dare I say I rarely see them as dynamic as this one. Thank you.

Haha fantastic, fun and deep at the same time and I love the "cameo" line.

Yeah, I guess I should’ve fixed that, but thank you so much :)

Awesome Haikyuu loved the rhythm! Just agree with first comment on comma

Thank you very much for your comment and your detailed review for a short work like this :)

I have a bunch of them in a notebook of mine, I’ll make sure to post them when I have the time, thank you again :)

I get excited when I see a haiku. I also like to write them. What drew me into yours at first is the title. It’s intriguing. 

I also enjoyed the poem itself. It’s a refreshingly interesting take on haiku. The comma: I understand your reasoning behind it; nevertheless, I tend to follow a general rule of thumb: if it distracts the readers, it’s out. Having said this, however, I am not sure how you’d edit it out.  

Overall, this is kick-butt. 
I’ll def check if you have other posted work. 
✌🏼


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I like how the line continues between several stanzas. I also like how it’s very clear what the meaning of this poem is

The ant on the hill,\
watches, his comrades betray,\
the queen is their slave.

[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vrawn8/untitled/ieup243/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3)

[2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vrb7xr/windowsill_mornings/ieuhnpi/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3)

The Haiku of an Insane Ant