I agree, the rhythmic tone kinda mimics time going on and makes it really powerful

Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it. 

By disappear and make no sound in the context of the poem I meant to disappear from time so that your sort of outside of it to be able to understand what it really is by seeing it from an outside perspective. There would be no need to make a sound (or do anything) because you are just observing the passing of time. 

This is why I follow it up by saying, to see things clear that would be profound. That's what it meant to me.

Wow! This is really great. The way you describe how time continues on and you feel like it's all passing you by. And that as time goes, you learn why certain things happen - "let the reasons come at last." Really brilliant. I like that it's short. The rhythm is great, as is the rhyming. I wasn't sure what's meant by you want to disappear and make no sound. But I could just not be getting it. I totally understand and resonate with the rest.


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

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    The future you seek isn’t for the meek
    It isn’t even real, not even it’s feel. 
    When you slow time down with your mind…
    The present will stretch and stretch
    Stretch into the next
    But the next is undefined in your mind. 
    Define this line one time…
    Return and see you’re fine.

Really great rhythm! Makes me think about regrets from the past and only really knowing you were wrong after everything is said and done. I like how you mentioned going to the future fast away from the past, sorta like running away from it all.

I really like this, but my intial reaction is that I prefer the first two lines and the last two lines, and I also really like the "I wish to disappear, and make no sound" fifth line.

My overall impression is that your poem is good and I like it, but maybe suffers a bit from trying to rhyme too neatly? I personally enjoy rhyming poetry, but I feel like there are some lines in your poem where rhyme has taken precedence over mood/meaning, especially the third, fourth, and sixth lines.

I really like the mood your poem conjures up though, and I especially like the last two lines.

Lovely poem overall, I think it has the main thing that any poem needs: well worth reading, and has put the reader in a different mindset than they were before they read it.

I enjoyed reading this poem. I really enjoy the flow and the topic of it🖤

Cool poem. I like how you use the hands of a clock and the changing of the day as examples of time moving fast when, in the moment, these things are quite slow. However, the way the poem is written makes it flow very well which reflects the idea of time moving fast in the bigger picture. I like the question at the end 'why do we move so fast?'. It illustrates that time passing is inescapable and there's nothing we can do about it, even if we 'sit still' as you mention at the beginning

Such a pretty way of wording, it makes you stop in your tracks and realise how much time passes. You’re the youngest you’ll ever be and the oldest you’ve ever been simultaneously. Lovely read :)

Wow! Amazing rhythm, also this poem gives a sensation of enlightenment in the sense of detachment from the material world.! Amazing

Did you ever sit so still, that you could feel the world around you moving?

Like how the hands of a clock won't sit still, no matter what you're doing.

First sun appears, then sun goes down.

As twilight nears, the moon is found.

I wish to disappear, and make no sound.

To see things clear, that would be profound.

As the seasons pass, let the reasons come at last.

Why do we move so fast, into the future from our distant past?

&amp;#x200B;

Feedback:

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vtin97/frogs/](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vtin97/frogs/)

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vsw12h/nomad/if546we/](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vsw12h/nomad/if546we/)

Time Really Flies