Coffee and Books

Poem

Last month, I wrote to this girl.

Whatever we had going for us is now gone.

I messed up.

I blew it and I wish I hadn’t.

She doesn’t care for me now.

​

Last month, I wrote to this girl.

She got my letter, and it did not please her much.

Once upon a time, it pleased her very much.

​

Today, I wrote to this girl.

It’s a poem about first love

But I cannot bring myself to send it.

So, I wrote this instead.

​

Today, I wrote to this girl.

Everything about her stirred my feelings

and led indirectly

To me, opening my heart to her.

And I wish I hadn’t.

​

This morning, this girl wrote to me.

She got my letter, and it did not please her.

She said she no longer had feelings for me.

I wonder where it went, pretending to be naive.

​

Tonight, I’ll think about our first kiss that

now collects dust in the recesses of my memory.

​

Tonight, I’ll pick up and reread her letters

That I clutch to on lonely nights.

​

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Posted Jul 8, 2022, 3:27 AM UTC

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1
mythrowawaysilly•

Reading this I got an old school vibe. Back when wrtimg letters was the only form of communication something about writing letters just seems more romantic than text. Anyways the fourth stanza seems a little out of place for me. Personally I feel like had you mentioned opening your heart to her sooner and not after she doesn't want anything to do with you it would tell the story better. The two ending stanzas are my favorite but I wish you had given us a bit more of her writing to you something lovely so that we can picture you holding on to those nice letters because so far she only wrote you once and it wasn't nice. Over all I enjoyed it.

1
Bebeq114•

Ah this makes me feel like those middle school crushes that were so mind consuming. It really has something I feel everyone can relate to, I enjoyed reading it !

1
chances_we_missed•

Hey OP, I'm definitely not good with poems at all (for now, hopefully) to provide good feedback, but if it was me, I would love a bit more details between each stanza, a description of the surrounding, maybe how you feel towards the unreciprocated love - to really set in place that memory you had with each specific transition. But I definitely love, LOVE, the emotions flowing out from the poem in the past two stanzas!

1
asearchforyou•

I suspect that the subject you selected is a fruitful one to explore through writing, but I think you are just scratching the surface here. "I messed up." Maybe, but how do I know? Try to be a bit more vulnerable, and feel free to chop up your memories into smaller pieces. You don't have to capture the entire relationship in one general overview. You can tackle it memory by memory, scene by scene, moment by moment. Bring a bite of it to life with the particularities of you and her and where you are and were, and I'll be begging you for more not less.

1