You had me with the title. I have a special place in my heart for space metaphors. I like how compact your poem is and the impact it's able to have for how concise it is. I would suggest try moving away from using cliche/idioms like you do in line 3 unless it's adding something new to your poem. Try finding another impactful way to convey the same meaning. Great to see it's your first submission. Thanks for sharing and hopefully you keep posting here.

I love your theme, space, stars, planets, ultimately the vastness of love.

Your second block of text however glances away from the theme a bit, yes the universe but for me that didn’t hit as much as “the stars have ever felt.”

There is a lot of “I” statements as well, and with perhaps a rewrite trying to not use “I” statements and play with the words a bit in order to have a more profound statement.

The last block makes me feel a lot. There is a line from the charlesmee play: bobrauschenburgamerica when the character Susan says:
“but the one thing you can be sure of is
if ever I am sure of how I feel
in a way that is the kind of feeling that I know will last
then when that time comes
if it so happens that I do tell you I love you
then you can be sure of it.”

And it really took me back reading your poem.
I’m also new to writing and never thought I was that good at it. Like you, I too needed a better outlet for my emotions so I’ve been trying as well. I’m about to post my first poem 

I especially connected with the line  
"The universe cannot hold the multitudes. 

Of love that my heart holds for you". 
I personally have a tendency of feeling affection for people very strongly and it feels overwhelming. Glad to see something like that in a more positive light. Good work.

This poem may be relying too much on hyperbole, which can alienate the reader. The more broadly the poem gestures--the grander the sentiment--the less *real* it can become. Stanzas two and three contain the most egregious examples: "The universe cannot hold the multitudes / Of love that my heart holds for you" and "It is truer and deeper than anything the stars have ever felt." These feel like departures of language on such a scale that it is beyond my ability to even comprehend. How, for instance, is a reader to be moved by a line that references what the stars have felt--*do* the stars feel, and if they do, how could it be anything like my own experience? If the beloved is like a star, then perhaps you can tell us *how*--what about their gestures, features, words, the way they move, the way they speak, the way they laugh, the way they touch or sleep or eat--what about them that we can *see* can you relate to a star? Putting those elements into the poem will allow you to marry the con


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look 

I enjoyed this poem! I found the first stanza to be a little bit uninventive, but the last two struck me as powerful. Perhaps you could play around more with unconventional imagery? Aside from that, this poem is great! Super sweet and adorable :)

Sometimes I look at you  
And you are all I need in this world  
Because you make my earth go round  

The universe cannot hold the multitudes  
Of love that my heart holds for you  
Give me a moment as I overflow into your arms  

Know that when I say  
I love you  
It is the truer and deeper than anything the stars have ever felt


[Feedback 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vtin97/frogs/ifa6zhe/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3)
[Feedback 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vtviyr/to_the_diet_coke_on_my_passenger_seat_floor/ifa7p7d/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3)  
*My first time posting here, only recently got into writing because I needed an outlet for my emotions*

Orbiting You