I enjoyed the light alliteration with the b words. I would recommend revisiting certain grammar choices, however it does paint a picture quiet well.

Thank you for the feedback. Yes, the person on the bridge feels forsaken and a bit lost. I am experimenting with using double meanings for words and phrases. For example by using the words fix your rudder, I leave it to the reader to determine whether or not the person on the bridge wants to repair the rudder or set the rudder on a particular fixed course. Likewise, I’ll leave it to the reader to determine whether or not the answer coming from the boat is the captain waving hello or merely waves in the ocean.

It almost gives the piece a sense of lonesome whimsy. An offer of assistance for safe passage to the shore. It makes me feel like the person standing on the bridge feels forsaken, and looking for any ride out of there no matter the cost. On second read through, all I can wonder is why and want to read more.   


It almost gives the piece a sense of lonesome whimsy. An offer of assistance for safe passage to the shore. It makes me feel like the person standing on the bridge feels forsaken, and looking for any ride out of there no matter the cost. On the second read through, all I can wonder is why and want to read more.   


I hope this feedback helps!

Yes indeed. I chose the word cleat specifically to shock the reader into feeling a sense of strength and power, almost like a magnet. I wanted it to stand out. A cleat is the metal contraption that’s affixed to a dock that a boat ties itself to. If you google “dock cleat” you will surely recognize it. Thanks for reading. And now, knowing the word’s meaning does the piece resonate more or less with you?

The imagery certainly steals one away to another world, but I am confused about the cleats reference. I know it as a soccer shoe. Which is fine, but contrasts sharply and cacophonously with the rest of the imagery. Is there an alternate meaning I might be missing?


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I, on the bridge above,

Can trace the rumpled wakes 

Break against the buttress below

As bulbous sails bump over sun’s

Furtive lights and chase the sky away. 


“You there, captain, what destiny is yours? 

May I swim out to fix your rudder?”

Says she, nothing but waves,

Perhaps her boat will take me in

And turn to port where cleats await

Their ties that cinch and harbor

Yet another memory to be made. 

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vu2t8k/thought_bubbles/ifdibo1/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vucdea/unrequited_confessions/ifdg4p8/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3

Fixed Rudder