"like a body had fell from the heavens above and straight into hell" a line like this is normally very corny but in the context of this poem it was kinda badass. It put an instant smile on my face.

Thank you! I'm glad it resonated with you. However, your interpretation isn't what I was going for. Technically you didn't "read it wrong" because poetry is open to interpretation but it wasn't intended to be sad.

In this piece I hear the person first give in, then give up, then reach their end. It’s almost as if the person lost the will to fight for what he/she wanted all along. The person submerged their own wants or needs to satisfy or mollify their intimate partner. Unless, I’m reading it wrong this is a very sad piece which definitely hit home for me. Great job intertwining intimacy and storm imagery. As I have others here I would challenge you to think more about the title. Perhaps consider: intimate storm or something that ties the two elements together.

I like this.  Nice message, good rhythm.  Can relate.  Well done.

A beautiful rhythm, with simple rhymes and a lovely message. But maybe correct 'hails'?

defined beginning middle and end and the flow is good! good poem! good poem / good poem

I'm genuinely surprised by how many people seem to agree on the ambiguity of the poem. I was trying to be straight forward haha. I do enjoy reading people's interpretations though.

It sounds like the speaker is finding victory in giving up? Maybe they realize they’ve been trying too hard? It really provides a lot of room for speculation.

the middle is perfectly worded, and has perfect timing. thank you.

Thank you feel free to keep doing that haha

Good flow in this, makes it easy to re-read multiple times, and I found myself doing just that.


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

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I have lived through

a perfect storm 

Intimacy

in the highest form

A cloud reigned down

I gave into her pain 

I accepted my fate 

as it started to rain 

That's when the hail

fell from the sky 

I thought to myself

"it's okay to die" 

The thunder sounded

like a body had fell 

from the heavens above 

and straight into hell 

Lightening had struck

from within my soul

and I realized

I achieved my goal 


https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vhninj/infidelitys_breath/id8i2u6?utm_medium=android_app&amp;utm_source=share&amp;context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vhkz6z/wanting_to_be_wanted/id8f0i8?utm_medium=android_app&amp;utm_source=share&amp;context=3

Storm