Source
r/CPTSD•
peraltass

i have a history of csa and recently (im 18 now) a friend sexually harassed me for months (but never actually went there) and it’s bothering me so much still after all this time

Trigger Warning: CSA (Child Sexual Assualt)

over the last year a friend sexually harassed me. she would touch my upper thighs and touch me any chance she got. she’d get me high and get even more physical with me and try and hint i should kiss her. she’d pull me around when high and caress my face in her lap and i’d just sit there uncomfortable. lots of other shit happened aswell. but even though she never sexually assaulted me, the fear of her finally doing it made my life hell during the months that was going on. (i’m home now, this was at college). it got to the point i almost asked her to fuck me so i would at least feel like i had some control of the situation (i was an idiot for that). i also found out someone from her highschool accused her of touching her non consensually and she threatened her not to tell anyone because that “never happened”. the whole thing makes my head hurt. once we were both sitting in a circle of friends and she told me to sit next to her and i said “why?” because everytime im near her she touches me in some way. and she said “what— i’m not going to touch you!” and i found that so fucking weird. like she knew exactly what was going on and i wasn’t insane. i sat next to her and she started touching my upper thighs. am i crazy to think this stuff is weird ?

Posted Jul 17, 2022, 9:45 AM UTC

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peraltassOP•

now she’s fucking someone that has A LOT of similarities to me. and all my friends joke about them both and it makes my skin crawl.

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ohelle453•

I think its moving into assault territory if shes repeatedly touched you when you've been obviously uncomfortable, and she obviously knows what she's doing if she's making statements like "im not going to touch you" in front of other people and then touching you anyway.

You're not crazy, it's for sure weird and comes across very manipulative on her part. Is there any way you can distance yourself from her? Everything you've said about her is worrying. But you're not insane, you're not crazy.

Is it possible the reason it's bothering you so much (understandably so) is because it's similar to/retriggering CSA? I went through CSA too, and reading your post gave me major red flags. The manipulation, the pushing boundaries, the gaslighting, that shes done this to other people and threatened/gaslit them. This girl is bad news, take care of yourself and dont feel bad if you want to cut ties with her.

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