Thank you for the feedback, and constructive criticism. Interestingly I like the idea that it feels “archaic”, the ideas I put forth in this piece are as old as humanity and so I attempted to do an homage to that with stylistic choices in writing this poem. That or I’ve been reading too much Poe and T.S Eliot for my own good. Regardless I truly appreciate you taking time to offer sound advice, I’ll have to revisit the piece and see if I can rework it to better relate to modern palates.


The heart and soul of this poem are both alive and kicking, and I do like the images and sentiment. The barrier for me is in the fact that we live in the 21st century. Now, this is me being biased because I know writing within a certain archaic style has its place, but I don't see any reason for this to sound so historical. You want to connect with readers, and there just seem to be hundreds of years between me and this piece. So, if you wanted to take this and make the speech seem more relatable and relevant to the time we live in, you could try to change lines such as 

Find again chance to believe - to 'find a chance to believe again' the problem with the original line also lies in where it naturally stresses. *find* a *gain* chance *to* be *lieve.* It just doesn't work, even within the context of an archaic style poem, it sounds unnatural. If you don't already, I'd try reading your poem out loud to yourself and try to make it sound as natural as you can. 

I hope you don't mind if


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

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If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look 

Is not it seems, golden arbor, gentle rain, or summers burning gleam.

Not just at least, but more than any simple vision of serene or somber scene. 

Waters of life, drift by, catch the fire beyond Mercury’s endless sky, for those who chance to see true seam. 

Waking truth of dreams reprieve, find again chance to believe, wake, listen, both rain and tree. In their song find that which dreams.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/w17uui/pilot_the_first_poem_im_sharing_please_let_me/igivkuj/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/w17j5p/what_i_wish_we_were/igiw2sl/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3

That which dreams