Thank you🙏. It's encouraging what you said in the end. Yeah the words like "sirens scream" don't roll of the tongue.

It definitely makes sense!

The pictures are quite vivid in my mind (well thought out and the rhythm certainly helps), and "white noise" is a great closure for the first half.  
The second half is also well thought out but it's less impactful to me for some reason, maybe it's too linear and some kind of change of pace would have helped you deliver the contrast stronger.

Either way, I was impressed!   
And what matters, in the end, is that you enjoyed expressing yourself.

This is a really nice poem. I enjoy the perspective of how two of the same entity can be so very different from each other in varying conditions. Good work!

Thank you🙌🏻. I need to learn the application of metres.

Thank you.. I'm glad you mentioned the ref of the two paintings. I intended the two Oceans in me part to be the title. Should have made it seem more clear.

Yes, this makes sense and the binary concept is quite interesting. If I were you, I would start with "There are two oceans in me." It sounds more natural to me, so it's subjective. I think it's interesting how you mentioned Michelangelo and the Fallen Angel - definitely didn't expect those. I really love some of the words you chose to use, like cacophony, scornfully and turbulent. I think you did a good job. Keep writing!

I thought the "second lap" was the subtlety.

I appreciate that you put such thoughts regarding this poem. Honestly, I wrote the poem because of how I feel about someone even though there's no future . She's occupying the mind all the time. Sometimes it's peaceful and sometimes it not. I was going to write a 3rd stanza about she's the ocean and i would like to swim instead of drowning. But ended up not writing anything. I'm glad you caught the birds singing and people chirping part.

Having read this poem,I want to examine this poem on certain points. First, two oceans in you . So the first question would be why oceans. Does that express the immensity of the emotion? That would be my concludion. Then you have TWO oceans. The duality of emotions is expressed in metaphor of oceans. Why not one ocean that is calm but then rages would be the question. There is the comparison between Michelangelo and the devil which seems a bit uneven in strength. Then there is the " imitating ... sea" , which is somewhat of a step down from an ocean. But I'm this serious description of oceans of emotions, there is this humour/ sarcasm expressed by the " return for a second lap" as well as " people chirp", which, be it only in the first ocean, seems to show that the calm emotion ocean is one in which you will find humour floating about. If I would say anything about what I would expect out of this poem it is that I think there should be a direct balance between comparison of the aspects

Really great. Love how you used the same material for both images. It shows how perspective can change reality. I also think your word choice is incredible, and I appreciate how you capitalize Ocean to keep the focus.

Really nice juxtaposition, gives a very interesting branching structure to the work when read.

I do prefer the second part just because it's much more structurally robust and sounds good when spoken aloud as well.

I noticed the contrasting placement of Michelangelo and the Fallen Angel, though the connection between the parallel juxtapositions were lost on me. Again, the overall style of the poem is really nice, and some word choices are just brilliant- 'scornfully' forming a rhyme with 'cacophony' for one.

I like the duality , I really like the textures in the words you use


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Two Oceans in Me

Calm Ocean.

Waves touch the shore like Michelangelo

And return for a second lap.

Gentle breeze,

Deep breaths

Imitating the sound of the sea.

Birds sing,

People chirp,

White noise.


/


Raging Ocean.

Waves glare like the Fallen Angel

And slam the sand scornfully.

Strong gusts,

Unconscious gulps

Imitating turbulent whirlpools.

Sirens scream,

Ghosts dance,

Cacophony.


[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/w1zcx4/jerry_can_you_do_me_a_favor/igqzbrl?utm_medium=android_app&amp;utm_source=share&amp;context=3)
[2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/w1roye/i_guess_ill_name_this_portrait/igmla4a?utm_medium=android_app&amp;utm_source=share&amp;context=3)

Does this make any sense?