Trying to Get Ahead but I'm only Spinning in Place

Flashback to October 2021 and my DHS case worker kindly lets me know that I would be losing the $150 food stamp benefit as of 12/31/2021 due to my income. Disappointing yes but at that time, it was doable for me to be financially paycheck to paycheck (in theory of course).

I have a one bedroom apartment for $938/mon (at the time )for myself and my two children, car insurance $140/mon, phone bill, electricity, gas, high speed internet (I went fully remote for my job in 2020) and $425/mon daycare fees (this is after the state pays 75% of the weekly tuition). My wages at the time were about $17.93/hr and I consistently work 40 hr/week. I have medical insurance for myself, vision and dental for all three of us and various taxes or maximum ROTH IRA deducted weekly. I could not find a home within a budget that wouldn't take all my monthly income so I planned to sacrifice that lease term and upgrade to 2 bedroom earlier this year.

New year begins, new shopping, budgeting and eating habits for my kids and I. Again, things are sorta tight but not unbearable and we just do what we have to do. My annual review with my employer comes and they let me know that my wages will increase to $18.65/hr. My lease was up on 04/30/2022 and I wanted to be prepared so I started looking in February for an apartment. Imagine my surprise, nothing is available to see until move in, application fees are adding up as I apply ( and a $200 admin fee for one leasing office that took them 3 months to refund after denying my application) and most affordable apartments are at capacity and waitlisting.

I decide to take an apartment without seeing it for April move in and suddenly I am hit with a garnishment for the first time in my life. A mistake I made with a credit union checking account back in 2015 has come back to haunt me and I know I am fully responsible. My checks after taxes and deductions are about $550, so with this garnishment, they are taking 50% every check. I panic and decide not to move in because the garnishment is weekly for the total amount of $900. I won't be able to pay security deposit, first months prorated rent for April and then May rent plus all other expenses.

Because of this predicament, I decide to stay within my current community ( I could have renewed one bedroom for 12 month lease $1005/mon) and ask to upgrade to an available 2 bedroom, $1200/month... they give me the same story--not available to be seen until day of move in, partial months rent for two week prorate in May and then my full June payment due. I see the apartment on the day of move in and it's worse cosmetically than my current one bedroom. The edge of the door threshold is see through because they used plywood to seal the lining of the front door, the kitchen is from 1990, tile has a hole, carpet is stained and a closet door is cracked. Okay... not ideal but, I'm outta options here. As I am doing my walkthrough and thinking things over trying to remain positive, I trip over the threshold of tiled kitchen to the carpeted dining room. The entire carpet and padding pulls up??? I mean-- all of it clearly was not sealed properly to the ground??? I say screw it, I will keep my current one bedroom and figure something else out. I let them know that I wasn't happy with the unit they offered me and I was disappointed as a tenant. The leasing agent politely tells me they don't guarantee everything to be brand new--- to which I reply, yeah I'm very aware of that but this unit is worse than what I have for my current one bedroom??? I've never been late on my rent and I just feel the entire process was predatory and kinda, "you get what we give you"... I sign a month to month (mind you this is after they've already started an internal eviction process.. my lease was set to end 05/13/2022 and I was to move into new unit, decided not to, they formally start eviction case THE SAME DAY when I don't accept unit. It was absolutely BIZARRE.)

I do a feeble attempt throughout the month of May and June to find an apartment but everything is just so dang high... and quite frankly, I'm exhausted and discouraged from this entire process. Boxes are still halfway packed and just sitting all over the house and it's really affecting my mental health but I push through.

My parents then let me know they would like me to go on a family vacation with them. It will be my parents and all 4 of my siblings. They rent out a 5 bedroom house with back yard pool in Florida and propose that they pay for one of my kids plane tickets--- I at first decline. I have work, it's less than 6 weeks notice and I haven't found an apartment yet. I realize that coincidentally I already have two PTO days for the same week they have the rental and they convince me that I deserve this. The pandemic has been rough, I've been isolated and alone with my kids-- my daughter was two when it started! I got those two weeks off in 2020 and not another day since! Working for a call center from home in a one bedroom with two children?????? It's been the darkest two years I've ever had and I know millions of people feel the same.... Not to mention, I haven't left the state since 2013 and I haven't had a proper vacation since 2016. I book my other daughter and I a ticket and it costs me $1000 which is all of my savings after enduring that garnishment for the past six weeks. I know that I should not have went but I am so tired of sacrificing, sacrificing, sacrificing, suffering, suffering and then suffering some more just to work hard to get ahead but get no where...

I go. I have a great effing time. I sit by the pool every freaking day. I finish three books while there for four days. I used to be an avid reader and I haven't been able to finish a book since 2019!!!!! I'm refreshed although stressed at awaits me when I come home but, it is what it is.

Fast forward to this month of July-- our A/C unit was out from 07/01-07/13.... they attempted to fix it, could not, ordered parts had to wait for them arrive and rebuild the conditioning unit allegedly. Now yesterday, the A/C is back out again ! I contact leasing last night and left a message like hey, I need this fixed we have a heat wave coming for the weekend. We spoke this morning and that is when we go over the signing a long term lease because quite honestly, I'm out of money. Food prices are insanely high (we are at $60-$80 per week), gas is high (I've crunched the numbers; the increase in gas is TWO CREDIT CARD PAYMENTS!!!! I need credit cards to increase my credit and credit history!) and I'm paying $1200 because of month to month fees instead of the proposed $1005 increase.

I request to sign a long term lease and they tell me the new amount is $1155 versus the $1200 month to month I am currently paying??? I can't help it, I become a sniffling mess. Everything has gone to absolute shite. $1155 per month for my one bedroom and yet I still have to pay my electric and gas as well as everything else needed to keep our home functioning and have a decent quality of life. I know I have no choice but the way the leasing agent tells me I will be saving $75 by signing the long term lease (and if I don't sign by August, it will be $1155 plus $125 month to month fee) is so condescending and feels predatory. I'm poor and being pushed even further down the totem pole with inflation.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading. Things have just been tough but after severe anxiety and stress throughout the pandemic I am in a place where my kids and I mental and physical health is THE most important. I get sleep, I work out, I try to eat healthy within my budget, I go to work every day, I take my kids out for walks or to the park when ever possible like..... I'm doing everything I can to be okay in this world and everything is shoving me into the pavement it feels.

I did/do have a side business for calligraphy that I had put on hold for the past 6 months because it was costing me more financially, mentally and physically than my ROI. Calligraphy is a luxury--not a need and it's difficult to haggle pricing for weddings, place cards etc... not to mention I got an inflamed tendon in my pinky right in the middle of wedding season last summer which caused me so much pain and anxiety, I thought it best to take a break. I don't know if I need to raise my prices even more in my Etsy shop but it's clear that even the little extra $200 a month I could sporatically make is better than just my 9-5! I didn't really need advice but if someone has tips, I will gladly take it. Thank you again for holding space for me and reading this....