Be merciful with your own.
Demand, but not too much.
Don’t feel like you’re in crown.
Don’t push too hard in judge.
You living part of nature.
Like cats and dogs or stars.
Don’t be a tyrant stature.
Don’t hold yourself in bars.
Posted Jul 26, 2022, 3:52 PM UTC
I was really moved by this the meaning behind the stanza is strong
Thank you. I'm glad that you find something in it!
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The open is solid, imo. It invokes all too familiar dilemmas of parenting and begins with a confident and economical call to balance. "Demand, but not too much."
The rest feels a bit wayward and undeveloped. Okay, I am a living part of nature. Sure! But are domesticated animals the best way to demonstrate the wildernesses of the unhuman world? After that I am a tryant, and I am a prisoner.
None of this is something that you *can't* pull off as the poet. I could be wild and domesticated, a sovereign and a captive. Nevertheless, as this stands all the imagery feels random and unsubstantiated.
And what does any of it have to do with your opening claim about being merciful with your own?
hi :)
ahhh I feel this one! simple and short yet powerful message. the rhyming and flow works very well, well done on that! I enjoy the comparison, to cats or dogs or stars, it works well in context. this hits really close to home. this is really beautiful, great job!
Thank you dude for kind words! By the way, it is my first poem wrote in English. I really enjoyed by writing it, so good way to express feelings, let go bad energy. I'm glad that you like it.