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r/OCPoetry•
Even_Beautiful_7650

lean on

Poem

left in the dust

motes falling on the ground we used to dance on

sometimes i wonder if given the chance

would you replace me for someone new

will the distance set us apart for good?

it was me that drove you to cut things loose

and i denied the whole time that you i would not lose

i catch glimpses of us from time to time

but that’s like life flashing before you wear the noose

maybe i’m as far i’ve gone, no further to walk on

maybe i’m too far gone with no father to lean on

but some thoughts i will never retouch upon

i never know what’s good until it’s gone

now i just think of the house i dreamed for us,

laying alone on the front lawn

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/w8fz3f/time/ihtgl04/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/w43021/sisyphus/ih0w113/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

Posted Jul 29, 2022, 12:09 AM UTC · edited

13
Rare_Illustrator6069•

for me this is a full narrative, a short story almost. I feel like it's more sentimental than lamentation, which is kind of what happens with long distance, so it does feel appropriate. I like it, my favorite lines are the two "maybe I'm" lines, lovely.

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Even_Beautiful_7650OP•

thank you! i think it’s interesting you’re reading it as sentimental, as this is definitely a lamentation! rather, i am lamenting the coming distance in my personal relationship.

that’s the lovely part of poetry, and how we interpret things differently. also, i’ve used those “maybe” lines in several other works but found it best fit here. thanks for the reply!

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