Vacant House

I’ll ring your doorbell
And you won’t answer
No matter – I knew that would happen
This house has been vacant for decades

I peer through the window
See the cloth covered furniture and dust
built up without fuss

No more worries
No more cleaning before guests arrive
We’ve been alone a long time
And I’m not sure if I can be bothered
To change

So, I’ll keep ringing your doorbell
Hoping to eventually get an answer
Maybe my daughter telling me everything is fine

But for now, I’ll settle
Settle for peering through the windows
Maybe I can make out the tick marks we made
To indicate our daughter’s height
The year she surpassed you
A bold sharpie and celebration
Because it was funny
Or at least every intention to be

Walk to the back of the house
Jiggle the doorknob
The door hasn’t opened on a single visit
No hope for getting in
Unless I throw a rock
I don’t want to break windows into the past:
All my accomplishments
Or what wasn’t sold off

In the backyard are the grape vines we planted
Said we would make our own wine
Like so many other ambitions
We never did
I guess that’s not surprising
I always said proudly, but halfheartedly, I was lazy

Until that fateful summer
When all my repression gave way
To that which I feared was latent

A Schizophrenia diagnosis
Surprisingly late for a male
You and our daughter tried
to share the burden
But she went to college
And you were stuck with me

The grapes have recovered
but the grass never did
Since my mortal sin
Forgot to mention I can still see the singeing
Along the house siding
I guess I shouldn’t expect that to be fixed
Despite us owning the house
You had nothing to give

Grapes on the vine
Let me tell you what I learned
In my time: life is unpredictable
Sometimes your worst fears come true
Genetics is a bitch: especially those of my father’s
But not as bad as my wife’s mother’s
A friend visited me and told me you had succumbed
At least our daughter was there
To see you to your final bed

Anyways
Back at the front door
I ring your doorbell
No one answers – no matter.
I whisper into the wood:
I just wanted to let you know
My medications are finally working

​

1. https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/wbhxat/poetry_is_an_artform/ii7sdcm/?context=3
2. https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/waxwl7/letters_from_a_poet_letter_8_on_the_philosophers/ii7te8l/?context=3