[3941] The Spearbearer
This is the newest edit for my current project's first chapter. My personal challenge here was to write a complete, standalone fantasy story in sub ~100k words. Draft 2 clocked in at 105k, a big bump up from draft 1's 88k. Time to cut! That's the purpose of draft 3—I want to tighten things as much as possible.
Six months ago, I posted draft 2's iteration of this chapter and learned it held its cards way too close. Since then, the chapter's grown and changed considerably, but I'll be curious to see if any similar issues pop up.
Readability, engagement, and flow are my main concerns here, but I'm open to any and all critique that springs to mind. It's not worth worrying about line edits if there's critical structural damage!
Here's the work: The Spearbearer
For those who want a semi-spoilery premise to better grasp the full story before or after reading, I'll tag it here: >!The Spearbearer is sort of a "second telling" of the traditional fantasy story—twenty years before we start, the Fantasy Hero won against the Big Bad and saved the world, though things have gone a little sour since. Our PoV, Andric, is the former right hand of the hero-turned-king, but he carries a lot of resentment for the War and his personal losses in it (not least his elven lover). He pins a lot of that blame on the king and has fallen pretty deep into drinking, but the story revolves around him picking up the pieces after the king summons him to solve a Big Problem. Unusually for me, it's also a very character-driven story. Andric has to confront a lot of the Past, and with the sorcerous spear left to him by his lover, he can kind of interface with her memory and it feeds him some clues about the "real" cause of her death and the world's pain. This chapter is the start to all that, the call to action.!<
Anyways, thank you all in advance, and I look forward to hearing about the things we always miss in our own edits!
My critiques:
Posted Aug 5, 2022, 8:37 AM UTC · edited