I wish I was an artist

It's beautiful. There is nothing I can say that the rest haven't said already. But I do have a word swap suggestions. Instead of 'I could match the color of the sky,' you change it to 'I could match the colour of your eyes.' I suggest this because everything else you say focuses on your love and ... Obsession with this person. When you mention the sky, it kind of takes away from that.

Anyways, just a thought!

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Hey OP,

This is such a sweet poem! A few years ago I actually wrote a poem surrounding the same topic haha so I can relate to feeling inadequate at describing a partner/crush.

I think my favorite part of the poem and the heart of it for me is the second stanza. I love the image of the speaker handing over parts of themselves in an attempt to get someone to see them as they do. There’s also a wonderful juxtaposition in the violence of “I would cut off my ear” and a professing love.

In terms of suggestions I would love to see you expand on that part specifically, maybe even starting with that as it’s a much more standout opener. I’d love to see how all this giving leaves the speaker. How does it feel to give pieces of ones self? Just some ideas!

If you want to lean more into the attempting to draw part I would love more visual descriptions of the subject of the poem. Maybe even the setting in which the speaker is encountering this person. I think this would work well as it captures the visual aspect the poet is trying to recreate!

Would love to see this poem expanded on, but great job nonetheless! Keep writing and I hope this poem is appreciated by whoever it is about :)

i really like this! you used a very interesting allegory that some could talk forever about but you managed to keep it short and sweet. that makes the impact a lot sharper. i wonder if you could play around a bit with the way the verses are arranged? maybe mess around with enjambment? it might work best with the stanzas arranged like this, but sometimes playing around with the format can give you a new perspective on the poem.

Awww this was so sweet I love it. That Van Gough reference was a nice touch. 🌻

I think I would like to marry this poem. Whenever I re-read it there are subtle things weaved into it that I missed the first time through. It's truly beautiful.

I love this, the inadequacy that the reader feels in their own love, and yearns to go beyond to another level of love is quite beautiful. its amazinggggg

Ooooohh! The artist analogy really hits home. I think all poets and artists struggle with the concept of authenticity.

It sounds like you are really self aware of your own duality. The alliteration is also beautiful, this was a pleasure to read.

I love the writings feeling of loving and wanting to prove that love even more so. I do like the slight homages to good old Vincent.

This was really good and how practical of you to think all of these and actually writing for someone. Bruh you dint have to be an artist you actually are someone else more punctually.

Wow love this! Very beautiful imagery. I love the "give my eyes to you" line. Maybe just change "beauty of you" to "sight of you"? Just a nit-pick. I really don't have any criticism at all! Great job.

i read this with such emotions that it somehow 'paints' an image of your affection for that someone. effective imagery is a huge plus on how I perceive poems, or literature in general. I also liked how you separated the first line from the 1st stanza. I have this inkling that you were going for a 6 liner 3 stanza poem, but separating it definitely made an essential introduction, a deep breath before a cascade of your feelings pours out. The Van gogh reference and the whole my-perspective-of-you lines are just so on point. Then to conclude the poem, I liked how you repeated the theme to put greater emphasis to the reasons you wanted to express your feelings as an artist.

For me, a certain line can be improved. It can be dragging to read a single line that has too many syllables compared to the lines preceding and succeeding it. Overall a great read, thank you OP!

Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our feedback guide, or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.

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