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r/OCPoetry•
OriginalPonceDeLeon

Melancholy Landscape with Tropical Paints

Workshop

​

The animals have changed their cries according

to the cities’ bizarre symphonies, and we’re as dumb

as revelers drunk in Spring’s infinite breezes.

But the animals live in their instincts

and change dances at the speed of cars and taxi lights.

​

I am sad for my sister the bee and her blind bravery.

I know my language doesn’t touch the hummingbird’s wing

as it floats in its own time, but songs are all I have

in my small hour that breaks and spills my names on the sand.

The evening is warm and kind as the motorbikes

​

zoom around the neighborhood. Tonight a string of bars

along the water plays with hearts that do not sense their own earth,

flowers drunk with Spring’s breezes. And in dreams

we see through prisms what’s approaching

like waves that break under a moon drowning in milk.

​

Yes, we see mostly in dreams. In this deceitful waking

we see what we want as our hunger erases fact’s landscape

and the dance floors fill. A moon drowning in milk, a bird’s wing

rising. We are building a house in a town of sex and festivals

and I am sad for my sister the bee and her blind bravery.

​

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Posted Aug 6, 2022, 4:28 PM UTC

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arson-frog•

you have a really amazing grasp of imagery, which is something that i really admire in a poet! being able to capture feelings as like, Feelings (physical sensations v emotions blah blah blah) is an amazing ability. i think that if anything, this might potentially lead to an over reliance on it. not that imagery in a poem isnt super important, but the intention might get lost, for me at least. that might be the reason for a lack of explicit purpose, which is also up to the poet, but don’t be afraid to be a bit more direct!

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OriginalPonceDeLeonOP•

thank you, and yes I hear you RE: intent and the value of being more direct. I find it hard to know what to say about our relationship to the natural world, besides to point out and dramatize all the ways that we're messing it up. I guess one could imagine better alternatives and try to dramatically or engagingly somehow depict those. I find it also interesting to try to get out of the human perspective and to imagine the perspective of the animals and the plants as much as one can

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ArebellaInterstellar•

I always enjoy it, when I read about our impact on nature, and your poem wasn´t an exception. The theme of us changing nature will never get old, on the other hand, it will only become more current with each year. Your depiction was really original. I also find the way the poem was written very original. Specially the part were you cut it after words motorbikes and continued to another stanza, it made me feel like I stopped for a second and listened to the sound of distant motorbikes, it made me more immersed in the poem.

Overall, well-written and hopefully I get to read other poems from you:).

-S

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OriginalPonceDeLeonOP•

Thank you! I appreciate your words

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