You are the healing grounds, a place of worship, divine Justice in a picture
Let me swim in the ink of life Basked in the warmth of my soul Afloat with no heavy toll
Unraveling all that I am No longer tormented-
Excavating the gold Of my bronze heart Only to find silver
But disappointed I am not- For I am my own kin
Grateful for the colors Of strife that Keep my Vivid heart
Beating
Posted Aug 6, 2022, 7:08 PM UTC
I'm not the most metaphorically-minded writer, so take this feedback with whatever grains of salt you wish. Primarily due to "ink of life," I took the poem as being about the spiritual-healing aspect of writing. Or perhaps art? I may be entirely off-base. Either way, it felt personal and thoughtful, especially the last two lines with their clear metaphor. Gold/bronze/silver was a less clear metaphor, but again, that may just be me.
I don't know if like seemingly random words being capitalized. Example:
Grateful for the colors Of strife that Keep my Vivid heart
I suppose they're essentially meant to be new statements, but to me it would look cleaner and be easier to read to just move each statement to a separate line or else don't capitalize regular words.
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