A reminder that this community is doing extremely well in helping toxic demographics online
This is my personal take about gender wars stuff here.
I honestly think this community is leagues ahead in healing all demographics of it
I have been around for decades on the internet. I remember back in the day when misogyny, racism and homophobia was the norm. We have come a long way.
Still a lot of work to be done and the internet although slow it's getting somewhere.
With Online communities and the gender wars. it usually slides to one side of the spectrum trying to validate one side and demonises the other.
But this is the only community that I know that has really helped me learn about both sides, addresses them and really helped learn about the other perspectives.
This is the only community where I can find validation of suffering of the Male side of the equationa and also here about women's perspectives in suffering misogyny.
It's not that I've never heard of said perspectives, it's just surprising to see them being validated in the same community.
Dr K tries his best in fostering empathy in both sides and personally it's an unprecedented level of learning , healing and understanding after watching the new video about female loneliness
I hope it does not come off as insensitive and I hope we can find some much needed help for each other here. Also please help point any inaccuracies from my perspective if it ever sounds like it.
Posted Aug 11, 2022, 12:28 AM UTC
This sub needs moderation so bad people talking about their problems shouldn't labeled as mysogyny automatically there is no gender wars anywhere just people talking about stuff you guys got into that gender propaganda so bad whenever you see something about it y'all just get offended truly a reddit moment
Exactly.
If someone is coming to you acknowledging that they have mental health issues and are sexist etc as a result, you're there to help them, not to shame them.
Like Rule 1 of therapy/counselling is to be non-judgemental and understand WHY the person feels that way, not have a knee jerk reaction to something they said.
Agreed, the moderation here is way too light. I've moderated support communities before and you just can't let people get away with the shit they pull here. It's one thing to encourage engagement with toxic ideas, but I think one of the most obnoxious things about the ongoing debate here is that people keep talking past the wide, reasonable middle and rant at the fringes, but in a way that sounds like they're ranting at the entire other side. And when you point that out to people, they respond -- rightfully! -- that the fringe is here and they need to be confronted. This is what happens when you let actual misogyny exist alongside guys trying to work through difficult feelings about women, and when you let actual misandry exist alongside women just trying to work through difficult feelings about men.
I presume the moderation policy here is to open up dialog with the fringes in hopes it'll lead to healing, but it's coming at the expense of the most reasonable 90% of people who come here. The space becomes less usable, people leave, but the fringes remain and things just get worse.
u/KAtusm so much this. When you start making improvements due to the guide + coaching, ironically this community loses the appeal of a place where you would want to continue to improve in. People are too quick to find something someone said to antagonize and dogpile and the battlelines are drawn over it.
I don't think a heavily moderated community would help at all. It would just limit or throw out the people who need the most help. Part of a good community is letting people have a good level of freedom of speech. Sure there are some people who troll, but it's ultimately your choice or someone else's whether or not to engage in a dialogue with them. I've seen heavily modded communities and it doesn't get better, it's pretty bad and sad to see.
Those communities become true echo chambers and also heavily limit your speech, as well as the topics you can bring up. The uniqueness of this community is how open it is, which of course comes at a cost. If you ramp up the moderation here, this community would become a true echo chamber which would polarize and disconnect this community from a lot of people.
Most people forget that even having the freedom for toxic people to be in community is helpful in being able to let people see what could be sounding like 😅. One person who's recovering and has similar ideals as the toxic person could see what they're saying and realize that they sound like that. Which could make them want to change even more.
I understand where you're coming from but there's a reason why this community is so cool. Like Dr. K has said we welcome anyone and everyone.
I think you've imagined an opposite extreme. I'm not suggesting that; I'm suggesting a pull back from "totally open" to "mostly open." And in my experience, it makes a much better community.
I haven't imagined anything, I'm just explaining what I've seen from my perspective with communities that started with your idea of needing more moderation. Overall if you look at the post's in the community they're not filled with that many extreme toxic people. If anything it's the opposite. I'm not saying that there aren't people who just vent their thoughts out and that it can be hard for others to hear. Nobody needs to read or engage with every post or evey comment. Once you start restricting, you kick out or block out people who may actually need help and would benefit from the community.