Source
r/OCPoetry•
Raggapuffin

Christmas in August

Poem

When my son found the wrapping paper

I see the boy who loves to snatch my glasses
contorted in a shiny patterned sheet,
too young to know the crackle and tear morning
after overweight chimney plunges.
He probes with crusted paws paper clawed
into August, prematurely yanked,
weakly glaring colours out of time:
royal blue and gold not in line
with the late night bright summer screech.
Amidst its innards his tiny feet twist
away- suddenly bored- trampling toward
another set of hidden memories, boxed.
Christmas is left inside out, shivering,
spread wide, cold in warm air.

(Updated after feedback)

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Posted Aug 11, 2022, 11:09 AM UTC · edited

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1
Des56•

I really enjoyed this. You paint a picture but one I might still need some time to noodle on. I get the impression we're watching some animal rip something open. A leftover gift? Some type of ornamentation, or maybe another animal? Whatever it is that last line was such a delight to get to. There's a through line of innocence here that makes the whole poem seem playful. Thanks for sharing!

1
RaggapuffinOP•

Thank you! It’s about my son finding a roll of wrapping paper (gift wrap) and destroying it. The animal imagery is for sure there, as is the innocence. I wonder if I need to make it a bit clearer, or if there is enough to get to that image with the way it is currently?

2
Feck_Quickfoot•

Hey OP! I’m not the original commenter but I would suggest simply changing the title to make the imagery clearer. I think a lot of the joy I got out of the poem was the connecting the interesting images and turns of phrase to the grounded situation, something simple like “My Son Gets Into the Wrapping Paper” will set the ground work and let you go wild with the imagery and metaphor!

2
RaggapuffinOP•

Thanks for the idea. I really like those kinds of titles as well, so I might do that

1
TraditionalAd8342•

No no, that fact that it can be taken to an animals or babies through their inherent innocence gives the poem a lot more deepness as it brings us closer to our true nature

2
Des56•

I think it's perfect! I think it all depends on your reader, and when I saw boy I thought dog haha. Even after the glasses snatching line.

1