Why would I need friends

This is very cute, in a morbid sort of way. It's excellent for being your second finished poem, I want to give you a lot of praise for making it this far; the average person has never written a poem in their life. That said, I want to tell you the best things this poem has going for it, and how to improve on those things.

First, the imagery is great for what's there. It's quick, it's simple, you don't need a pound of purple prose to liven it up. Yet, I would like to see a little more variety with your word choice. This would probably mean expanding the poem to effectively create a new scene for the reader to grasp onto and draw more from your pure vision. Some words I think would be a nice addition: bloated, festering, guts, sickly, disgusting, vile, repulsive, larva, to name what flew threw my mind when I read your poem again just now.

Next up, you have the beginning of a nifty structure piece for the poem. This ending is very pleasant to the ear.

Flies hatch from corpses

And people kill their friends

And everyone hates flies

So why would I need friends

It reads in a very rolling, beat-oriented flow. If you could expand what you've done here, you're on your way to a fantastic poem that's fun to read aloud. As it stands, your poem starts off a little choppy and constrained by the length of the first two lines. In general, you want synergy when it comes to meter. It doesn't have to all be the same length or meter, but if you read the poem out loud in a cadence, you'll see the meter sounds way off from one line to the next. Not all poems need to be songs, but with what you got at the end of this poem, I would invest in working on the rhythm of the piece.

Lastly, the actual message of the poem. I left this for last because I feel it's the most solid part to the whole piece. You knew what you wanted to say and you said it. Now comes the more difficult task of saying it better. My suggestion for how to do that is to pick a way of how you're going to reform this poem and engineer some new features while focusing on the bigger picture of what you're doing. I recommend sticking with the meter of the ending lines and expand upwards, adding new lines with additional imagery as you chisel away at it.

Since this is only your second poem, I imagine that sounds like a tough task, maybe not even one you want to do because you're so proud of accomplishing what you have. I understand, but let me give you a solid piece of advice that will improve your poetry incredibly over time. Don't worry about your poems now; worry about you. You're not going to create your lifelong magnum opus in your first year of writing poetry, so forget about making perfect pieces and treat everything you write to be an exercise that will work out your wordsmithing muscles in your brain. Treat a poem like clay; just play with it, see what you can do with it while you're having fun. Pick varying limitations while you do so, meaning write a poem with this rhyme scheme, or has this meter, or has every other line start with "but," or has tons of alliteration. The skies the limit.

And if you're really serious, I'll tell you the secret that made me a successful writer: wake up every morning and write a one to two thousand word stream of consciousness exposition. Don't care what you put down, just vomit up all your thoughts as they come. This will help build connections in your brain, and you'll develop your inner narrator and voice. Get good at it, while actively practicing writing poetry, and you will be able to shoot superb poetry straight from the hip. That's when you'll write your best poetry, because you won't be editing anything before it comes out; straight manna from your muse.

Oh dear, I did it again. I wrote too much. I just wanted to help out someone just starting off. You did a good job, be proud, but I expect you to be better tomorrow. There is no upper limit to how good you can get. Plant some seeds and water them now, who knows what you're going to have going for you in a couple years. I believe in you. Best wishes!

First, I love the feelings of disgust that exude from your words. It's nasty, gross, disgusting. The stench is overwhelming. The resentment from being spurned. That's some real powerful imagery.

Only thing I am questioning a little bit is the repetition of the word "and." Not sure if it's repetitive for effect. If it's not, then it seems a bit redundant.

I like this very much though. Right up my alley.

There's a lot of grotesque imagery on play here which helps amplify your anger, which i assume is directed towards people (relatable). It's simple and short, and to the point

The poem was alive i could feel it in my whole body the disgust the anguish the feeling of being betrayed,loved it.

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