I like the idea. It feels very witty, cheeky. 

But I can't help but wonder, with some of the lines, if you wrote them because they're what you wanted to express - or if the rhymes just happened to flow.

Specifically, "I do know how to die" and "unless you are obscene" (and maybe, to some extent, "..rub your conscience clean") feel a bit detached from the rest of the poem. Like they're tacked on to fill the couplet rather than making a point (which, as the last line of the first half and the last line period, they *really* should be doing). And I think if you could meaningfully connect those two lines to the overarching narrative, crystallize what you're trying to say, you'd have something *very* strong here.

Does this connect or is there some hidden significance in these lines that I'm missing?

I like how the poem starts out giving the impression that it is childish, probably meaningless. but it continues on to become very much adult in nature ... and also a bit spooky even, certainly mysterious in its change of tone. the unadvised reader is left with a curious desire to investigate the narrator's threat of obscenity.

Before I go on I want to say I love this poem and that I relate to it in way that it feels unique to me but I want to say that to me the narrator wishes for death but knows he must wait and that people know the narrator is a poet but when they ask for you to write a poem you will write outside of your usual style but that's only what I picked up from this one piece


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This poem seems to be narrated by someone who finds comfort in casual suicidal ideation. It doesn't strike me as anything too deep but very relatable. I think a lot of people find comfort in the idea of always having a metaphorical "eject button" but know logically that it is not a good option.

Ooh the rhythm is relatively basic but that's what gave me chills reading the first four lines (you asked me for a poem/but I do know how to die)! Something about the simplicity of it and the matter of fact tone really drives it home for me!

I loved the rest of your poem too, though somehow I was a little thrown off by the past line (Unless you are obscene)? It kind of seems like it has a lesser impact than the "but I do know how to die line." But overall I really liked this poem!!\(๑╹◡╹๑)ﾉ♬

Good one. Quick and to the point, kinda like death.

You asked me for a poem  
And this is my reply  
I don’t know how to rhyme with words  
But I do know how to die  
So follow me into the depths  
And rub your conscience clean  
Just don’t ever ask me for advice  
Unless you are obscene  


https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/wu855l/cr%C3%A8me_br%C3%BBl%C3%A9e/il8vja1/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3  

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/wu11hh/pandoras/il8vzu3/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3