# Dialogue

A lot of this sample is dialogue. As the scene goes on, there are tags and dialogue, and that's it. Dialogue-heavy is a good choice for a spy novel, but whoof, that dialogue had better be snappy and fast-moving and CHOCK FULL of subtext.

So, subtext. Subtext is vitally important in a lot of genres: family dramas, crime books, gangster books, spy novels. Subtext is the human tendency to not say what you mean. Speaking in riddles or code. Saying one thing, meaning another. "Pass the salt," but with an eyebrow raised, and from context/previous scenes the reader can intuit that the character really means "Set off the bomb in five minutes after we both get up from the table." That sort of thing.

Your characters are 'speaking the plot,' i.e. saying with perfect accuracy what is going on and what they believe with no filter or layers to it. Major tension-killer and also makes them not sound like spies. The situation does seem interesting, but by spelling it all out in dialogue, 

# Overview

So, I am not an avid reader of spy novels, but I have read several.  I appreciate the depth of character you brought to the scene, but unfortunately I wasn't feeling the kind of tension and mystery I'd expect from an opening chapter in this genre. 

# What I Enjoyed/What's Working

The opening image of these two rival spies meeting secretly is a solid start. You clearly put a lot of thought into these characters and their relationships before the book starts, which is a great way to make them feel real. Having a handle on themes early on helps them seep through the whole book, so that's good as well.   


Even though I'm going to detail a lot of things that didn't work for me on a line level, I actually don't think it would take all that much to make this into an engaging opening. A focus on point of view, subtext in dialog and jumpstarting the plot will make it easier to engage with  these complex characters you've created. 

# Point of View/Narration

The first thing that

Do keep in mind, this is part 1 of the story.

I've put some comments on the document, but think it's best to summarize here as well:

This story is inspired by real spies during the WW2/Cold War era; Krystina Skarbek for Anastasia and Alexander Dmitrievich Ogorodnik for Edwin. 

Skarbek was killed by an ex-lover, while Ogorodnik killed himself via cyanide in his poisoned pen when his apartment was raided by Soviet forces, leaving behind a pregnant lover in Buenos Aires.

I have tried to reference real events throughout the novel and took pains to keep the timeline accurate. While I picture a year of 1955 for the setting, I have taken pains to keep the time and ages of the characters vague.

And of course The Equaliser was an unofficial - much less intelligent and fraught - Callan sequel. La Femme Nikita also borrowed a lot - which the producers made a joke of by bringing in the main actor from Call an to play their character's father for the tv version...

..Interesting literary footnote: Pratchett is suspected of lifting Vimes, Vetinari, and Knobby Nobbs wholesale from Callan, although Knobby also has a lot of traits from Tom Sharpe's Konstable Els.

The spy genre is one where standards for writing are very high. And I'm afraid the opening doesn't meet them.

>The late night, or, alternatively, the early morning, rests heavily over the divided city of Berlin.

The indecision is slightly comic and definitely pointless.

And what does "heavily" mean here? 

> The stars shine brightly and unerringly, like a fine mist of diamond cast over black velvet.

As a very wise man once said - I subscribe to the theory that it was Homer's teacher's teacher - **"Avoid cliches like the plague..."**

Also, what does "unerring" mean in this context? I can't think of a sane interpretation. How can a star shine erringly???

> Just outside the perimeter fence of the Soviet Embassy, a woman waits. 

Passive voice.

>Her manner is calm, reserved, but an experienced observer would notice that beneath the practiced facade, she is uneasy. 

More passive voice. And "an experienced observer" is just a cheat and a very weak one. **You've sacrificed the opportu

Good evening, folks. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance this evening for my first post. With that said, I'm afraid I must impose upon you this piece of writing that I have completed recently.

I was very much inspired by systems of organization and belief, and how ideology conflicts with personal interests. A classic 'individualism vs. collectivism and community' standoff, if you will. I also found the Cold War a fascinating setting for this dichotomy, being a moment of profound ideological tension between states, the largest of all organizations.

   1 sentence summary: Two world-weary spies meet in the divided city of Berlin for a final confrontation over a decade in the making.

   Any feedback you see fit to provide would be much appreciated.

Link: [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1bIwbgbbuSYUhMmYUhhyLGDet3xLRb1dc9hfJpDAg60M/](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1bIwbgbbuSYUhMmYUhhyLGDet3xLRb1dc9hfJpDAg60M/edit) 

&amp;#x200B;

Critiques: [\[2416\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/whphu1/2416_crimson_queen_ch3_v1/), [\[670\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/wdy8cu/670_true_romance_flash_fiction/)

[3109] From Russia With Regret