H! Thanks for your thoughts! Especially about some of the word choices. I do think a lot would make more sense to you if you've read the other three chapters, but I still appreciate it!

I haven't read any other chapters yet so if I grouse over things that would be addressed by reading them, feel free to disregard.

Strong start. Some nitpicks; "quick" kiss on the cheek feels like a superfluous detail, as all kisses on the cheek are quick. Are you sure a "cool" breeze is what you want for this snowy day? Evocative of spring and summer imo. If you want it to come across as warmer than the snow would suggest, I'd comment on it.

I might only have nitpicks. "Cutting" ones eyes isn't my favorite colorful way of getting the idea of looking at someone across. Is there a reason to word it this way? I get the impression it was a very quick or sharp look, but I'm not sure what that conveys here. I also think "cutting" and "eyes" don't belong in the same sentence together unless some literal cutting is happening for the imagery it evokes. Make it a cutting glance/look instead if you must, but again, I don't really know what this cutting look is doing narratively without more con

Thank you so much for this comment! You've made some great points that have been impossible for me to see because I'm just too close to the work. I really appreciate your taking the time to read all of my work, as well! I'll definitely be editing with your suggestions in mind!

**Characterization**

  
I love and hate your characterization. Isana is a flat, bratty, uber sarcastic teenage girl. Kinda sorta standard middle child stuff going on. The dynamic between her and Avy is fine, but also cliche in a lot of ways. If you keep the same dynamic, I don't think it detracts from the story, but that takes me to Isana specifically.

  
Isana is just way to sarcastic and witty in a situation she probably wouldn't be. She's fifteen after all, and up until this point has been acting/treated by Avy as if she was a bit younger. (11-13 maybe?). That could be my own personal perception, but them being abandoned by their parents in a harsh environment with enemies (dangerous ones) surrounding them makes me think Isana would have a lot more knowledge of the situations going on around her. Avy can certainly still have an older sister "take care of everyone" vibe in your story without making Isana oblivious and somehow super quick witted and sarcastic. That duality to Isana'

Hello again! I have read all of your chapters posted thus far, so I have some pretty good context for the work you posted. I'll post some initial thoughts after the first read-through, and then give a more detailed explanation of some specifics after I read a couple more times.

**Initial Thoughts**

Honestly, I liked this little bit a lot. I'm not sure if you wrote this after receiving previous feedback or it's from a similar time, but overall, I think the writing itself is a tad bit improved from the other pieces you have posted on here. Now, this is destructive readers, so I won't hold back the criticisms I have, but I have to be honest while stating I would probably continue reading this book if you asked me to. However, if I just picked it up off the shelf, it may be a tough sell. Pacing is a bit slow. Also, the characterization is still slightly off for my taste (more on that in a bit). 

&#x200B;

I like your writing style for the most part and the prose is certainly serviceable

Hey guys! 

I'm back with chapter four of my fantasy novel, Temple of Redemption! For those following along, I split my original chapter two into two different chapters. Hence why this is chapter four.

My goal for this chapter was to create foreshadowing and set up Ms. Erwood as a source of information for my main character. As always, I look forward to your opinions! 

[Temple of Redemption - Chapter Four](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1d-A_nJRlWFI7JCUTEepI0luF50pMJzK0jYnnQgXgiDg/edit?usp=sharing)

[\[2852\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/wohe44/comment/ikfbm6t/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

[\[362\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/wv06xs/comment/ilh6a6o/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

[2952] Temple of Redemption - Chapter 4