i’m in love with a ghost

First post, not my usual subject matter as I usually write punk lyrics etc. I’m going through a really rough breakup and thought I’d capture my feelings in stream of consciousness type format. It’s nothing amazing, just wanted to post somewhere and be heard. Also this looked beautifully organized when I typed it but Reddit seems to have weird spacing or something so it looks like shit I apologize. Thanks!

I remember the day on the beach,

I remember your hand in mine,

I remember all the places,

All the places you were so excited to show me,

We laughed like children,

Tireless and carefree of anything but each other.

We kissed in the car and lit each others cigarettes,

Exchanging stories that defined us,

and reveling in our obscure taste in music,

I hung my head out the window like a dog,

I had never been happy as a dog,

Purely and utterly at peace,

My tongue flopping in the wind,

Waiting for the next red light,

So we could kiss and light each others cigarettes.

I did my Miami Vice impressions,

And you collected shells to show me,

I don’t remember the shells,

But i do remember each time you came back,

Shells in your porcelain hands,

Giggling in Alabama southernness,

So excited to show me each and every one,

As if a new found discovery,

A never before seen seashell.

I remember at the creek,

With the sun glimmering through the trees,

I wanted to always protect you,

And make sure you were loved,

Always loved endlessly,

And I asked you to be with me,

You became a puddle of kittens,

And kitten kisses,

And we stayed in that moment,

Until the sun was gone,

I remember the amphetamine of love,

And my hands through your hair.

I remember the drive home,

And showing you my favorite spots,

And the city,

And skateboarding through Nashville,

on red brick sidewalks,

I remember our first Christmas together,

I always tried to spoil you as best i could,

And I think I usually did a pretty good job,

But you always got me better presents,

Just you being there,

Was present enough for me.

I remember the first time you had a seizure,

And i was worried you could die,

I was shaking so badly at the thought,

Eaten alive by the possibility,

It made me realize how much I really loved you,

And how aimless a life without you would be.

I wish nothing bad ever had to happen,

And that the way you talked to me now,

Didn’t feel like knives through my ribs,

I hate mental illness,

Because it takes away the people you love,

And leaves the healthy part of you confused,

Like cancer it eats everything you care about,

And leaves you with the bones.

I don’t know when the yelling started,

And the drain plug was pulled,

Somewhere around a year ago,

In the winter,

When we took that trip to Minnesota,

And you bled for the next two weeks,

Something between us died shortly after,

Like a poorly hit deer raking itself along,

I don’t know if we’re programmed to resent,

A natural impulse to move along from failure,

To increase odds of reproduction,

Or if we just gave up on each other,

Out of the horror and pain,

At what we’d done.

My waking nightmare now is,

That I wake up everyday,

On the beach with you,

Giggling at sea shells,

And kissing your freckles,

With sun glimmering through the clouds.

And then my eyes start to focus,

And I’m alone in my room,

And you’re gone like a whisper.

I’d give anything to take back,

All the stupid things we never meant,

And all the fights about nothing,

None of that was ever as important,

As the love we had for each other,

Now, sometimes the way you treat me,

I feel like I’m in love with a ghost,

And that makes me wish I was one.

I just want my baby back,

And to stare out into the sea,

Your hand in mine,

I approach you with love,

And you tell me to get lost,

So I wander off,

Stupid and drooling,

No longer a happy dog,

But a mongrel staggering through the night.

Feedback on Oc’s

1

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/wxz877/overthinking/ilvihp9/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

2

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/wyav1o/leading_tone/ilvr0tr/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3