Source
r/OCPoetry•
Not_noice

i would rather have you

Workshop

if you were repulsive

i could hand you the daisy crown

for now you, for you

sunflowers have been laid to waste

it is never too late

i have a few great traits;

the greatest to bide my time

if i could not grow old beside you

i would grow old around you

make-sun-shapes in excess

i work with flowers, be not alarmed

there will be no absence

​

i want you in my bed

not a moment of quiet, i expect no birdsong

there will be a sun for the sky

and you will be here, come dawn

i would hate for it to be a fall

i would rather not have you at all

your hands could be ice

“patience, awarded,” i might sigh

oh, but keep in mind

i would rather have you

an arm flung, burning my sternum

or not

1.

2.

Posted Aug 31, 2022, 10:55 PM UTC

103
Crossroadsfare•

I really enjoy the imagery of this piece and the flow of reading it. Until the last two lines I didn’t know if you were talking about another person or a flower but that honestly serves to enhance the piece for me. Growing flowers or building relationships both take time, patience, and can easily end in disappointment. Was using a lower case i a stylistic choice? If not, it doesn’t really detract from the piece, at least for me, but it is something to consider that it might create mental noise unintentionally.

3
Psychotic_Advantage•

The hot cold, fire and ice feelings have something substantial to them. It definitely does something weird in your brain. Unsentletters is the place to witness how addicting the feeling is. I love it. It gives me some feelings at a deeper level, than what the words normally would alone, because of my crazy experience.

It's awesome!

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