I think it’s called depression

I sit in my bed, all day. All night. Lazy. Undetermined. The feelings of worthless movement, is how I’m living. I have no job, I have no friends. Complaining is not what I’m doing . I know I’m the only one that can change this agonizing cycle I have been in for 3 years. I ask myself, why not just change it. Sometimes I lay here all day, and think “I’m so thirsty.” I tell myself over and over again, “go get a fucking drink then.” , but I don’t. I let myself be thirsty. I have this mirror at the end of my bed, my eyes sometimes wander over to it. I just look at myself. The dark circles under my eyes. The line my mouth seems to always be in. The skin the sun has not touched in so long. All the color is gone. I’m left with shades of blues, and white. The best way I can explain it , is sometimes it feels like my body has chains on it from head to toe. I am covered up with 6 miles deep of dirt. Laying at the bottom, inside my own head . I tell myself “just get up. Just sit up”. Sometimes I do, only to be left with a dizzy head , and shaky legs. I know I am killing myself by not taking care of myself. But then that thought is met with , “we are all going to end up dead.”

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xj0cz0/i_hope_my_daughter_isnt_pretty/ip8q7o9/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xarvh2/becoming_strangers/ip8qj1n/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3