Alex

And today I miss you

My partner in crime

My first friend

I saw you in Arizona

The lush plateaus and valleys standing stoic

You’d always talked about seeing them in person

The beauty there was free from sin

And the destructive hands of men

I don’t know why it took me so long to get there

To find you again

But your gentle fingers traced the horizon

So I kept pace long enough to search for a smile on your face

Without realizing it’s too long gone

You’re gone

I struggle with the thought of you being free

That freedom came at a cost

You’d used your friends as a currency so your soul could become lost

Forcing that burden

That price

Onto our shoulders

Forcing us to pay every day

But I hope you found yourself in the end

Your name still echoes off your mothers lips as she smokes a cigarette

I heard it in New Mexico as a storm thundered overhead

Your anger shook the car as you howled with the wind

Your blood, the rain

That turned the roads slick

Your tears, the hail

Beating upon the car and begging to come in

Your hope, the lightning

Flashing frantically in the dark

Searching for someone to understand

And you were beautiful

Free from a body that kept your secrets locked away

Free from a body that broke a little more every day

Then came Texas

Holding a rock that looked like your headstone

I stepped upon a nail rusted with your blood

For a moment I’d felt you

The limp you’d always had

So I limped inside the apartment

Bled upon your grave

And I loved you

Even if I hate that you were wrong about God

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