Source
r/OCPoetry•
wishfulpeacherino

The Walk By The Shore

Poem

A walk by the shore, in tranquillity

Hands intertwined, the occasional touch

of hazel, brown hair, soft and comforting

cascading down to a cheery, social

personality, emotionally

Stop and admire, this pure bliss, blessing

Lift both gentle hands, hear the ebbing waves

Intimacy, timeless, heartbeats in sync

Look into those precious lightning blue eyes

Pull closer, the warmth radiates only

exclusively. Close your eyes, electric

currents shock you, awaken you, always

Hands around her neck, mutually leaning

Deep into the seacoast, roses blooming

--

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Posted Sep 22, 2022, 4:42 PM UTC

55
SerenSkies•

I see two people in love go past the shore. A girl (or guy) with brown hair and blue eyes with kissing the person. It's a moment of emotions and hormones but in the wholesome sense. Just a romantic poem. I like it. :)

2
hardtimehalbrand•

It could be a an electric first date or a walk together after a long relationship. It could be a breakup or a rekindling of relationship. I love how descriptive it is, and yet I still don't know exactly what the subjects point of view is. Very cool.

2
someone_was_watching•

I like the way you describe the emotional energy. What confuses me is the ending, to me the "hands around her neck" evoke associations with violence. And the roses in the end seem to come out of nowehere in the coastal setting I had coujurrd in my mind while reading. I do understand them as a symbol of love blooming but the image doesn't fit the theme of the otherwise very atmospheric poem.

2
wishfulpeacherinoOP•

Thank you for your insights, I think your comments make sense. What do you think if I change the last 2 lines to…?

Hands clasping in hers, mutually leaning Deep into the seacoast, crickets chirping

2
someone_was_watching•

I like the "hands clasping" better, conveys less violence and more fear of loosing. The crickets chirping sounds funny to me because I connect it with awkward silence. It does evoke a feeling of suspence but in my opinion it wouldn't be an improvement to the ambience.

2
ThinkSimpleStupid•

You can feel the passion throughout the poem. Great job!

2
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