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You totally should, I really like the distinctive voice that you bring to this piece and I'd love to see you explore it further

Thanks for the thoughts. I write in different voices and musical formats...sometime I will post..."She left me (And took the Dawg)"

This had an interesting rhythm to it, combined with the rhyme scheme and the casual mode of speech it made it feel very song-like. The repetition of the 2nd stanza at the end also contributed to this because it reminded me of the structure of a chorus with the single-sentence bridge beforehand. 

&#x200B;

The song-like quality the song had, and the informality of the narrator's tone I think softened the emotional impact. The narrator seemed not to be very serious, so the feelings as a result were also less serious. If this was intentional it was very successful! If not, I think changing the last stanza to something new, or having the narrator use more formal or intense speech may help.

It's not like when its written down

then you get some sign

seems like were goin' round and round

without that rhythm or rhyme

&amp;#x200B;

are we talking about it baby

or are we just talkin' 

seems like we mention the word

but we ain't been usin' it.

&amp;#x200B;

I get how 'times it's not easy

 to step up, take a chance

it's easier to just stay breezy

No need to risk romance

&amp;#x200B;

Most days I'm fine with dealin'

No need to hurry or rush

But the thing now I been feelin' 

This could be more than a crush

&amp;#x200B;

so maybe it's time to figure out....

&amp;#x200B;

are we talkin' about it baby

or are we just talkin'

seems like we mention the word

but we ain't been usin' it

&amp;#x200B;

[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xm1kxf/toxic/)

[2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xn0t3x/dream_alter_egos/)

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