Source
r/OCPoetry•
LorineOcto

Outshine

Poem

You're a sprint. I am a marathon.*

You're a spring blossom. I am the honey bee.
You're a sunset. I am the summer.

You are the mists of a raging waterfall. I am the rocks below.
You are a thunderstorm. I am the wind.

You are the tides. I am your moon.
You are a candle burning. I am the night.

You're an adventure.
I am a home.

You are a diagnosis.
I am the hand you hold.

Long before you.
Long after you.
I am here.

I will outlast you.

____1 2____

Feel free to give constructive feedback. Or tell me what you do or don't like about this piece. Thank you for reading!

*[Edit: I changed the first line thanks to the feedback here.]

Posted Sep 25, 2022, 2:56 PM UTC · edited

68
Sixth_Sparrow•

Very nice!

3
wisedisquise•

Contrast and reflection swim through my head as I read this poem. Something so sweet about the flow. Love it.

3
million_dead_stars•

This felt very causal— each of those things in response to the other. You can’t have adventure without a home to be away from. There would be no darkness for the candle to chase if the night did not exist. I like this a lot.

3
LorineOctoOP•

That's a good observation and it's made me rethink the very first line. Perhaps it doesn't belong?

2
Real_Produce_7246•

I really enjoyed reading this. It is interesting how the speaker establishes themselves in a superior position to whoever they are speaking with. It seems to be quite grandiose, as each comparison leaves the speaker as the arguably more fundamental component of the other. It almost makes me think that this could be written by a higher being (such as God), while still being confined by what is earthly. Interesting to think about who the speaker might be!

2
LorineOctoOP•

Oooh I think it's interesting that you think the things the speaker is compared to are superior.

1
wideopenflame•

Oooooh. Love this!!! And then the last line, ‘I will outlast you.’ Hmmmm. Makes the whole thing um, mean sooo many things. Is it said in spite? As a fact? As a loving promise? As an eternal truth? Anyway, I can apply all of those meanings. And it transforms everything, every time. Amazing. Thank you.

2
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1