Is life all pain? Why does it rain?
Do lovers tell lies? Do I really die?
Am I a pawn? Is there dawn?
Can I see the light? Can I make it right?
Will I ever marry? Am I really scary?
Am I wasting it? Am I counterfeit?
Is it all just spite? Why should I write?
Posted Sep 29, 2022, 2:12 PM UTC
I could relate to this in so many levels. Every line hit me. It’s amazing how many people feel the same in different ways. At the end of the day, feelings are what let us know we’re still alive
There is an essence that feels similar to an existential crisis and it eventually drifts into something that seems similar to loneliness.
It feels like the person is trying to make sense of the nonsense of the vast universe and its many factors and varieties and while the person is contemplating, it is as enough the person is also wondering if this act is a good use of their time and effort.
As if the writer is could in a loop of rumination about rumination and the existential crisis continues.
questions that have many answers or none at all really does create lots of doubts in ourselves and confusion. this reminded me a lot and made my thoughts race, it is beautifully written and rhyming schemes you added in between are just amazing. you did a great job
Thoughts:
- While I see the value of using completely unrelated questions as a way of showing disjointedness and how much the poet's mind is wandering - I do think maybe 1 or 2 of those would've been more than enough.
- For eg. my favourite bit in this is "Can I see the light? Can I make it right?" which are both connected and hence have a sense of cohesion to them. Contrary to that, the bit with "Do lovers tell lies? Do I really die?" felt a little too disconnected to me personally to register either very effectively.
- It does work on the first part though because it establishes how many directions your mind is racing in. But after that, it might've been better to follow certain patterns in the middle bits. I like the last line but I wonder if there's some way it could be made even stronger.
This poem made me smile. Terrific word play. An almost childlike wonderment. Bravo!!
Great poem. This poem really shows all of the questions that we think at the most random times that end up being deep. It's very relatable and the rhymes worked well. Good work!
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