It's a bit more personal and i'm not comfortable elaborating publicly, but your take aways somewhat align with my intentions just from a wider frame of view and I'm really glad you shared that with me. Much love.

Ok, this is well written, but I'm not so sure I understand what's going on. To me, I see a bunch of people in the desert with rifles defending themselves. But they don't need to be since nothing is really attacking, except themselves. And in their defense against themself, they neglect the game nearby. This poem is saying something along the lines of humanity focusing on things in society that don't truly contribute to the soul. Good literature.


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look 

That’s great, I’ve been meaning to read that! Keep it up, hope you’re having a pleasant day!

Thank you I'm glad you enjoyed it. On the road by Jack Kerouac was a big inspiration. The first few lines were some feelings n observations I had at work after finishing the book.

i love this! It’s a little over my head but your imagery is beautiful and i love the ending, those last questions are a beautiful way of showing the degradation of self worth (even if that’s what not what you meant I think it’s compelling! Fertile soil is so good). I’d love to know more about your inspiration behind this and what some of the imagery represents bc this is cool!!

Soul searching for dish soap 

Golden suds cleansing quartz 

Plexiglass haunting my every step 

A reminder of Des Moines

A promise of insignificance 

To oversoul strangers

To dimming timekeeps

Tapping their pocket watches

Buying ursid rifles

To defend the desert

Neglecting nutritious game 

Turning cannabis to crack 

Losing convoy to sand

To fleeting photons

An infectious thumbs up

For malformed familiars and their

Cats-cradled inquiry of lordship

Silver-spoon fed rhetorical pleadings 

*“Am I a good king?”*

*“Am I a good prince?”*

*“Am I a good peasant?”*

*“Am I fertile soil?”*


https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xrx7nf/new_to_poetry_cc_tips_please/iqi27b0

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xrzlh2/veins_and_arteries/iqi0j52

Sun, bro.