really appreciate this post. it makes me think about the journey one takes when they leave their home and if they return one day who the  person they become is

This is smooth and catchy, it reminds me of friends I've had. Keep writing, you're good at it

Yes that's the beauty! It's ok  you don't have to apologize :)

Lol, I like the explanation and sorry for making you explain. I guess it goes to show how we can interpret things differently. That's the beauty of language arts. :)

Thank you so much! It's not necessarily about growing up apart from your hometown and stuff like that, actually what I was trying to encapsulate it's how you perceive the reality when you are in a relationship and the way you perceive it after you broke up. In this case the hometown it's a metaphor that symbolize my lover and the rest of the poem it's how i used to see vs how I see now reality. Weird I know! I don't necessarily like to explain my poems.

The changes of season tell me that this is a change of heart and a growing of the narrator but they still remember where they come from. I feel this one a lot being content where I am but keeping home in my heart. 

Well written, 10/10.

Thank you so much for the nice words! I will follow your advice! Hope u have a beautiful day!:)

I really like the rhyming scheme with the poem and how it was structured with the 5th line as a great addition (suits my personal taste ig). The line "don't want that welcome back home" is a great line to end the poem with, you certainly have a way with words. One nitpick I observed was the lack of formatting and polishing. You should capitalize and add punctuations in some to further emphasize some lines or words, it would also make the overall piece more readable imo. Besides that, the piece was wonderful, good work!

This is a good poem and I think you should be proud of it. My favorite lines were definitely

> i still want you to paint me in blue
just like those bright old days of glory

They're great lines because they evoke emotions in a simple way. It's easy for the reader to draw on their own nostalgic memories when they read them. If you could sprinkle in a few more lines like this throughout the poem, I think it would really benefit from it. The length is good, so I'm not suggesting that you add to the poem. Just strengthen it with a few revisions here and there. I hate being too specific with critiques because it feels like I'm trying to impose my own ideas on someone else's work, so I'm just going to leave it at that. Great work and thank you for sharing!


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look 

once upon a time in *my hometown*

it's where the story started

all those summer days and cold short rains

are keeping me warmhearted

and i just miss your gingerbread eyes aimed directly at my soul

&amp;#x200B;

now it's been years since i meet you

and that summer it's a long unwritten story

i still want you to paint me in blue

just like those bright old days of glory

and i just miss the burn of your touch more now because i fell so cold

&amp;#x200B;

goodbye to all those dances

all those chances

i'm finding myself back sunbathing in my bright yellow mood

don't want *that hometown* anymore

don't want *our hometown* nevermore

don't want that welcome back *home*

&amp;#x200B;

[comm 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xwul84/comment/ir92w9j/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

[comm 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xwnmo0/comment/ir92gee/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)