I love that you kept a central structure throughout. Reading this felt comfortable. Your “watching her choke on the words and the smoke both” is so well placed if read aloud, it’s such a simple resolve to the speakers clear disdain for the smoking woman.

This poem has AMAZING imagery. It made me feel like I was standing right in the scene. I really loves "snakes of her hair dragging through glossed lips". I also love the formatting you used to express her dialogue, like it's less of a statement to someone and maybe a general attitude or life stance. I love this!

Nevermind, I re-read it on PC and the flow is great.

Gripping imagery, I’m partial to dark poetry so this strikes a nice chord.  
I really enjoyed the personification of a cigarette,
As if it were an familiar enemy.  
I feel like “grotesquely” slows the flow a little, but that could just be how I read it.
Overall, this was a great piece, you should feel proud.

Oh that's great! Look forward to seeing more of what you create:)

Oh very descriptive! I love it. When a poem paints picture this well it makes me smile.

I would honestly love to see a poem series about characters like this you have vividly given life to. A type of dystopian city of scenarios like this.

The ending is such a mood but in all seriousness I really enjoyed this imagery - I could imagine a very distinct image. I also love how you incorporate her quotes, everything here is awesome!

>Watching her choke on the words and the smoke both.  
We’re going to die anyway. Might as well watch it all burn down.

&#x200B;

This is amazing. This line right here is what did it for me. 

Very visual, love it. 10/10.


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look 

the poem is in present tense - "dragged" is past tense c:

I appreciate the work you put into your imagery and phrasing. The line "spilling its brown guts grotesquely across the floor" particularly stood out to me, as well as the descriptor "poison dart" for the cigarette. 

>The snakes of her hair dragging through glossed lips

I thought the wording here was a bit confusing - I think "dragged" would be more grammatical.

 I meet her on the sidewalk, chewing on a cigarette  
One thumb rubbing over the surgeon general’s warning,  
The other gripping the poison dart between two fingers.  
She bares her teeth in my general direction, sharklike.  
The snakes of her hair dragging through glossed lips,  
She holds her eyes to mine, magnetic, bloodshot;  
Watching me as she kills the cig under her heel,  
Spilling its brown guts grotesquely across the floor.  
On a final exhale she speaks, each word releasing  
Plosive plumes of smoke from her crooked mouth.  
And-  *it’s not so bad. It’s not so bad any more*.   
Watching her choke on the words and the smoke both.  
*We’re going to die anyway. Might as well watch it all burn down.* 

&amp;#x200B;

lonks - [1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/y2ha3l/something_about_writing/is367u9/?context=3) / [2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/y2es2p/what_else/is37157/?context=3)

Medusa