subspace

i look out the car window

it’s open just a bit, maybe 20 percent

a little rectangle

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tiny green leaves

sway in the wind

on a backdrop of sky blue

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the rectangle is so bright

because the windows are tinted

so the other 80 percent looks grey

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sometimes the window is wide open (100 percent!)

i stick my face out and feel the breeze on my cheeks

it cools off the sweat and i feel a little better

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“hey”

i turn at your voice

slow, like i just woke up

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“do you wanna put your shirt back on?”

i blink, and stare back at you

no words come out

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i turn back to the window

“ok”

there’s a little girl running on the sidewalk

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sometimes it’s an old man walking his dog

or a kid riding their bicycle

i can’t ride a bicycle

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“do you want anything?”

i shrug

what is there to give?

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“alright”

you go back to playing pokémon

fully dressed

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is this how it’s supposed to feel?

is this how it’ll always feel?

why does it feel…

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bad?

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