Wow this meter is so satisfying! This should be a song.


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Each stanza progresses in a 1, 2, 3 structure, hitting the repetition to build up the narrative but never going beyond three uses.  Three stanzas.  The total repetition per block being six, obviously a multiple of three. The word 'me' was used three times throughout, once in each stanza, just to let you know it's personal. That's what was in my head at least.

Any examples you noted were pure luck, but I’ll never turn down a compliment 🤣 but really, I appreciate you taking the time out of your day to give me this level of feedback. A lot of what you said makes sense and I will try to incorporate. Some things I will need to think on more.

If I am capable of remembering (really, really big if) I will come back to this thread and share the reworked piece. To be continued.

I'm looking at it on a computer, so I don't think that's the issue. Also, I'm impressed, the instances that you did write in iambic meter were pretty good examples of it. I think if you're going for narrative and repetition here you might need to make some revisions. I still struggle to find much clear repetition throughout the poem and the only sense of narrative I get out of this is maybe the speaker/you is using writing as a remedy for something like depression or something causing them a lot of emotional pain, and that writing seems to come naturally to them. I think you might need a bit more context here to really get that narrative across. For instance, I still don't know what the devil's deed means here. I think when you come back with revisions you should focus on making that narrative a little more contextual but also clearing up the pattern you're going for. I think you probably could do a little more with meter too since the two times you do use it comes across as really nat

You have given me far too much credit, internet stranger. I am aware of techniques such as iambic pentameter and such but have zero experience implementing them. I’ve only been writing for about 3 weeks now so I am very early in the learning process. My focus has been building a complex narrative using basic patterns and repetition. Maybe that will be the next step.

Are you viewing it on mobile device? The way the lines break on mobile were tripping me up with the rhythm. I have tried using the punctuation to help with the awkward pauses and transitions.

Thanks for taking the time to review and provide your feedback. It’s clear you know what you’re talking about and I like to listen to those people.

So this could just be me here, but I'm not really picking up on the meter or rhythm here of the progression you mentioned. Each time I try reading it out loud I keep getting stumped on the different syllables and meter that almost feel like a part of the pattern but not quite. I love the first line, and I can clearly see it has an Iambic Quadrameter flow to it with 8 syllables, but then the next line has 15 syllables and no clear meter. The third line has 16 syllables and the first part picks up the Iambic pattern again but "Touched by the Devil's deed." immediately breaks that iambic pattern. Then in the next stanza, the first line goes right back to Iambic but now Pentameter so that's maybe what you were talking about with progression but the other two lines in that stanza don't really have any clear rhythm to me. Then, with the last stanza, it kind of feels like the first line is trying to return to Iambic but only in the second half. It does gain two more syllables so if it was all

We're going to write this one in three\
and it's going to test my ability to find within me\
the medicine I need to stop the bleed. Touched by the Devil's deed.\
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It really has its own identity.\
The words pour forth freely, as if they were always meant to be.\
Each sentence revealing to me that which I now see so clearly.\
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Emotions so heavy with such a density.\
Yet suspended like salt in the Dead Sea. Somehow empty.\
A chasm of entropic propensity, guiding me to its terminal history.\
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Feedback 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/y7aeo3/comment/istj2zx/?context=3 \
Feedback 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/y79lkn/comment/istjcoe/?context=3