I'm a sucker for repetition so I think that the first half of them poem is great, but you drop the repetition in the second half, personally I would try and include some repetition in the second half so that the poem feels more whole

I liked this, not in a fake-overly-supportive way either. The first half I thought was especially strong. I initially thought the first half was using birds as a metaphor for anxious thoughts, but in the second half I got a bit lost. I get the over all feeling you are going for, and truly did enjoy this little gem.


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There are birds hiding in my walls

Keeping me up all night


When I change my sheets,

I hear the birds squeak

When I’m in pain, or at peace 

I hear the birds squeak 

All day and all week

I hear the birds squeak 


At night they’re the loudest 

Yelling at me 

Telling me they’re trapped 

And in need of a helping hand


Suddenly I can’t hear them anymore 

The family of birds

I’ve drowned them out with my thoughts 

Words so loud to overpower their cries


Since then I’ve befriended them 

They keep me company 

Their screams sound like lullabies 

Helping me unwind 


Serving as a reminder 

That just like me they’re trapped 

In a helpless world 

With careless creatures




1: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/tn84u0/fm_1105/i1zwdlv/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3

2: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/tmqyy9/this_portrait/i1zvczl/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3

The birds in my wall