I love the consistency of each line/stanza. The occasional rhymes here and there, but still retaining the title of 'free-verse', is a nice touch. Overall, a very nice piece, and I'm not at a level where I can find anything to nitpick about.

I'm not really at a point where I could give suggestions and personally i really like this the way it is right now, the rhymes and the word choice is great, along with that I love the poem's setting. good job random person on the internet!

I think you've got a good point. I wanted a nice flow, without necessarily rhyming. Though "laugh" and "dance," don't rhyme, they go well together. "Wind," isn't a perfect match for, "sand" or "hand," but it almost rhymes, which was done on purpose. 

And you're correct, the rhymes do become more overt after the, "too fast," line. 

It was intentional. I spent a good week simply rearranging the lines. Thanks for reading!

I'm having a hard time understanding the rhyming structure (if you intended for there to be one). At first it looked like rhyming was of no importance and maybe structure and meter were the focus? But then you end with an interesting pattern of rhyme beginning with "too fast"


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look 

Beneath a starry sky

Your smile becomes a laugh

When I offer my hand

Inviting you to dance

Hair blowing in the wind

As we twirl in the sand

Quite close but not too fast

Enthralled by your beauty

Eyes glistening like glass

Unable to resist

I give a gentle kiss

Hoping for this moment

To linger long and last

&amp;#x200B;

(October 21, 2022)

&amp;#x200B;

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xsz58t/the\_white\_lilies/iqnh898/?utm\_source=share&amp;utm\_medium=ios\_app&amp;utm\_name=iossmf&amp;context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xsz58t/the_white_lilies/iqnh898/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3)

&amp;#x200B;

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xss0z6/fox\_skull/iqnjy0b/?utm\_source=share&amp;utm\_medium=ios\_app&amp;utm\_name=iossmf&amp;context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/xss0z6/fox_skull/iqnjy0b/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3)

Twirl in the Sand