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I like how it's about the relationship between two brothers. The detail that one believes he made a mistake and the other knows he forgave the mistake is the compelling. Also, the fact that one doesn't know the other return is packed with emotion.

Wow, this one hits close to home!  To me the speaker is a responsible or caring brother, while the other brother constantly pushes boundaries and treats the speaker poorly until it's too late.  The caring brother has finally left the other to his own devices, as he knows from experience his brother will always be selfish.  The selfish brother has deliberately crossed the line too many times, knowing he can get away with it due to his caring brother's forgiving nature.  Now the caring brother realizes he was naive to believe things would ever change.

I like the pun (is it one?) on “oh brother.” Sometimes it seems better to read it as an exasperated interjection, and sometimes an address to an actual brother. I liked the switching between perspectives—it underlines the symmetry of being brothers even as of details how one-sided their relationship is.

Oh brother, oh brother

When will you learn?

When will you realize I’ll never return? 

Oh brother, oh brother

Another mistake

Surely it’ll be fixed, piece of cake

Oh brother,

Wait, he did not return?

But the mistake was fixed?

Like it always is.

Oh brother,

Where did you go

All I did was tear you down

to bone.

Oh brother,

What have I done

My brother, he’s actually gone.

We play this game all the time

All I have to do is apologize

It’s nothing right

He knows it genuine?

Right? Right?

Oh brother, oh brother

So naive

To think you have a beating heart

Just like me.


Feedback:
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/yag0b4/i_want_us_to_kiss/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf


https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/y9y3hh/no_bright_places_my_first_ever_poem/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf