Thank you for your kind words. I’ll definitely remove the comma, I do like the bolder statement. I’ll try to write more haikus, it means a lot to me that you enjoy them!

I’m just passing by to tell you how much I love “goodbye mellowness” and “rebellion, against all odds”.
Even the titles capture the undertone of the poems. I love the period in the middle of the second line. It beautifully precedes the cruel sunset phrase.

The flowers will rise sounds pretty much like a revolutionary yet simple phrase. I love it. I love how it plays perfectly with the title “rebellion, against all odds”; although I would remove the comma. “Rebellion against all odds” sounds more powerful to me.

Ps: “sweetness is gone now” at the end of “hello unpitying” is also such a bold statement. I believe you’re already quite good at haikus. You seem like an experienced writer. I look forward to read more from you, maybe another themes and issues. Although all of this haikus fit very well the seasons topic. You could compile them in a book.


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

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This is my first post on this sub! Please give me some feedback, I'd love any suggestions or ways to improve. I'm pretty new to the haikus, but I think it's a really neat form.

*stars in the city*

bright LEDs on

a large blanket of darkness

Shall you make a wish?

&amp;#x200B;

*shyness in a crescent*

Drowned out by daylight

the moon is an introvert

but once night, it shines.

&amp;#x200B;

*goodbye mellowness*

When the sun rises,

warmth stays. Then the cruel sunset

takes it all away.

&amp;#x200B;

*hello unpitying*

Harsh November winds,

frost building on the window;

sweetness is gone now.

&amp;#x200B;

*rebellion, against all odds*

Hail rains in winter

but once sweet, warmer, spring comes

The flowers will rise.

&amp;#x200B;

&amp;#x200B;

[*https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/yi2out/comment/iujor27/?utm\_source=share&amp;utm\_medium=web2x&amp;context=3*](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/yi2out/comment/iujor27/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

[*https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/yio1x5/comment/iujo4qo/?utm\_source=share&amp;utm\_medium=web2x&amp;context=3*](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/yio1x5/comment/iujo4qo/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

Haikus of skies and seasons