Down a River

Your stanzas are very nicely connected to tell a story.

Also really like the push/pull or good news/bad news oscillation, such as:
"I'm at peace" ... "forever can't be"

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forever can't be

is an awkward construction

the whole thing just doesn't scan right to me

At first, I disagreed with MochiLazar; but with subsequent readings, I can see what they mean.

“be” does tie in to the rhyme scheme for the following stanzas, but it feels a little forced when rhymed with “peace.”

I think the intended meaning is something like, “this joyride can’t last forever,” but it also translates to “this joyride can never be.”

I think an alternate wording that could help with both of these points would be something like,

“While I flow down this river
I think I’m at peace;
enjoying a joyride
that’s destined to cease”?

But, this isn’t a workshop post, and I’m no expert. It’s your poem, and a good one too; and ultimately, what you like is what matters.

In any case, I enjoyed your poem. The analogy is very solid. I know “going with the flow” and flowing water as an analogy for time may be used a lot, but I think you managed to do something pretty unique with it.

The choice to navigate the flow of a river being analogous to the choice of navigating the ever progressing time of a lifespan is cool. It’s like using rough seas as an analogy for struggle, but more specific.

Thanks for sharing.