Tired

There is a completely self-defeated theme to this piece. I see throughout the lines this meandering flip-flop between inspiration and restlessness. When reading it, I felt your grip to survival and subsistence in the face of being extremely exhausted.

The climax of this piece for me was the line “wonder if I’m still alive.” I found this line particularly genius because it can be taken in two ways, first as “I wonder if I’m still alive,” but also as an invitation to the reader to himself wonder. The dreadful inevitability of having to be awake when you’re so tired, so that you’re rendered corpse-like to others, was conveyed very easily through your words.

I really like the poem man! Both in its relatable subject matter, but also the fact that there's two conversations going on at the same time?! I also really loved some of the word choices you used such as the entirety of the third section. And just the way you're able to bleed words like "defeatism manifest" and "granted death" into a poem about (on the surface) tiredness. My only suggestion would maybe change the first section a little, as I had a really hard time figuring out the rhythm for it. But again, great poem man!

I’m working on a poem about the monotonous rhythm my day follows and this reminded me of it! I think I’m going to call it “Day To Day Today” I got the title idea from this. Thanks! Great poem!!!

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