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r/OCPoetry•
Daimonfire

The me not seen

Poem

Home is where two or more hearts collide So I face the fact that I have no home

To coalesce I cross these bridges Only to turn around And see them burn

Freely I give my heart to them And in the end that is the end No thought to reciprocate They seek to only bleed me dry

So here I stand reaching out But nothing is all I hold Day to day I do the same Thinking something is bound to change

But no! I was insane

Now today I face the truth Let it set my demons free Trigger ready, safety off As they take control of me

Now gaze upon the other me Too long I've kept him locked away No longer will my bridges burn alone He will turn the whole world to ash

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/yxw8ww/relive_lonely/iwrv4w2?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/yxe67v/im_proud_of_this_even_though_i_wrote_it_in_2/iwrttka?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

Posted Nov 17, 2022, 10:06 PM UTC · edited

44
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1
little-careless•

Hey I love how this poem started off and it flows really well in the first 5 lines. But I feel like after that the poem gets a little lost and its jumps too quickly. I think you could expand on "Now today I face the truth......" perhaps to connect the two.

1
DaimonfireOP•

This was kind of what I was going for... We are all battling demons and sometimes when they take control the change in personality is quite abrupt and without warning.

2
imboredeth•

I really love the way you’ve used the bridges burning to put together this poem. I wish you had added more about the “other me” you referenced in the end, I think you have a great opportunity to make the reader face the flames and print the image onto their eyes.

1