Source
r/OCPoetry•
pls_not_rain

Weathered Longing

Poem

On my worst days,
I long for a clothes dryer.

Watching it tumble
I crouch in brace,
embracing
my own knees.

It warms what is easiest to clean.

As I wait the hour,
stiff gloom seeps into my feet.
They cease to separate me
from what I feel,
leave me grounded, in
my misery.

Simply,
I use the last of my strength
to pull out my sheets,
and hold me within them,
each thread dried evenly.

The hold of hands
replaced by sleeves,
the warmth of blood
found in artificial heat,
the smell of you(r clothes)
surrounding me as I breathe.

I sleep,
the clothes dryer saves me.

On my best days,
I long for
sunshine-
but only in addition to mine.

For, who knows
whether it’ll be me,
or my sheets,
or us both
that must be hung out to dry.

  1. https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/z72r01/intoxicated_sultry_night/iy4zglo?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
  2. https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/z75r9p/business_meeting/iy4wa8v?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

Posted Nov 28, 2022, 8:14 PM UTC

57
ElucidatedCervidae•

There's some deep feeling right there, but the tumble drier is kinda mundane, and the double meaning that creates has led to some neat imagery, I like the "I long for / sunshine-" image, it makes sense, I get sitting in front of the tumble drier and feeling tired, that's evocative.

Mulling a relationship while doing it as you've described towards the end, whilst also beginning to talk about the end of the dry cycle, and warm things as opposed to cold, it has a satisfying arc.

Thanks for sharing.

2
pls_not_rainOP•

My pleasure! :)

If you have another moment, do tell me what you see with the "I long for / sunshine-" line. Or is it just a feeling?

Anyway, thanks so much for sharing! Have discovered some some new undertones in this piece of writing that I didn't see when I wrote it. Man I love poetry.

1
ElucidatedCervidae•

Ah, gets dark early at the moment where I live, which is a bit depressing, and if it didn’t I wouldn’t need to use a drier, so it’s longed for in that sense, both the emotional and the mundane, hope for brighter times.

Then, in your poem it continues into that line ‘but only in addition to mine’ and qualifies that the dark time is about loneliness/relationships, as in the overall theme

2
pls_not_rainOP•

Thanks for sharing :)

1
mangocat_games•

I love this poem!

For me, I love the imagery, that helps to invoke what the author feels and in the first few verses, I feel a heaviness, "brace" "grounded" "gloom", describing what i assume is the writer's emotional exhaustion, and the want for warmth. The rest of the poem longs for something warm, sunshine, heat, and there is a sense of longing.

I like the structure of the poem. There's various line lengths, that makes it flow, and then certain complete sentences that tells us when to stop, or to form a conclusion or thought. I especially enjoyed the ending, that leaves us to a pretty satisfying conclusion even if it's with a question, but it seems resigned.

Overall I really liked it, and it leaves me thinking about it. Thank you for sharing!

2
pls_not_rainOP•

Glad you enjoyed it :)

And I thought your observation about line breaks was quite interesting! They were very intentional and I'm glad they worked for you.

Thanks so much for your feedback

1
AutoModeratorMOD•

Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our feedback guide, or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1