TreeOfKnowledge

Pretty much everybody here has been through hell. I basically spent the last year in solitary confinement. And I know many of you did as well. You know what it feels like to go months, even years, without feeling any joy, at all—never feeling safe, at all. You know what it’s like to have no friends, at all. We didn’t do anything to deserve this. It’s not fair.

That being said, I would like to extend a word of encouragement to everyone here. You’re not alone, and you’re stronger than you think you are. You’re probably even more charming and good looking than you think you are. Each of us have good qualities which are valuable to ourselves and others. Sure, we have flaws, but so does everyone

I’ve been trying to break out of a period of depression and social isolation, and progress is slow but tangible. One year ago I was sleeping on the floor at my sister’s house, and credit card companies were blowing up my phone all day every day because I was missing my payments because my job was not paying me enough to keep up with my bills. I was so overweight and out of shape that I couldn’t even walk down the street without running out of breath. So I became nearly agoraphobic. I would only leave the house a couple times a week. I didn’t do one fun thing throughout the whole year of ‘21. I just survived it. But things have gotten a little better since then. I rent my own room now (which

There’s a lot of talk online about people who won’t grow up, but not enough anout people who grew up too fast. I see a lot of information directed at young adults with so-called Peter-Pan syndrome. And that’s fine, I guess. But I think I have the opposite of that, and I don’t know how to fix it. I feel like the magic was taken from me too soon, before I could integrate it. And now it shows up in my life an an inability to trust others enough to show them love or joy. I’m embarassed when I feel those things, and I shove them down. I pretend I don’t like someone even if I’m totally infatuated. I’ve even pretended to not have fun at times, so I wouldn’t look foolish by acting joyful. I never wa

I live in a jam-packed apartment with a lot of college kids because I ruined my credit when I fell behind on my payments durning COVID. Right now, they’re partying and having fun downstairs. I’m 31 and sober, so I’m just trying to keep to myself upstairs. They aren’t being so loud that I can’t watch TV and chill in my room. I could even sleep. But every time I go into the kitchen I hear somebody shouting or music playing. The guy in the adjacent room just brought some girl in there. I’m working on myself, and I’ve been making a lot of progress in the last few months, but some days are still really hard. I feel like such a loser right now, I’m too old for roommates.

I guess this sounds a lit

I just signed myself up for a weekly drawing class to try to break what has become a three-year period of social isolation. Of course now I’m thinking I made a huge mistake. I won’t let myself back out, but jeez. The thoughts of self doubt and fear or rejection and humiliation are weighing on me. The last time I went to anything, it was a support group meeting, and I threw up in the bathroom as soon as I got there. I think the longer the isolation goes on the more the anxiety builds. Hopefully I can build back my courage and social-anxiety tolerance over the next few weeks. If it works, this might be a good solution.

After grinding through the process I finally got a full a job as a SWE earlier this year. I’m feeling kind of lost about what to do now though. I’m an ambitious, materialistic guy, so I want to take things to the next level. But I don’t have a good mentor. What’s the next move?

My understanding is that there is a basic sort of choice between pursuing a management-type position and senior-technical-expert-type position that has to be made as my career moves forward. Is management exclusively the domain of used-carsalesman types, or is basic charisma and self confidence enough? Do I need an MBA, and what job should I shoot for. Alternatively, what if I’m more of a technical guy and I could ke

I’ve been working as a developer for a couple of years and slowly succumbing to depression and burnout indirectly caused by my ADHD. I got a sinus infection this past sprint, and I just couldn’t keep it together. I still have the rest of today to finish my work. But I wasn’t able to present it during our meeting as expected. I’m feeling pretty low this morning as I wait to join the meeting. So I’m just here to vent, I guess. Maybe you guys can understand. It’s just one of those days.

Everyone I’ve ever lived with with is nice and respectful. But I can’t stand being observed by strangers all the time. I’m too neurotic and suspicious of people. Every time I hear them or see them I just think there’s a non-zero chance that one day they are going to steal something from me or sabotage me in some way. Based on my experience I’ll proabably be fine. And I’ll be able to get my own place next year, but I just needed to vent. People really really stress me out, even if they’re nice.

You know how you’re not supposed to say you want to kill yourself in therapy because they’ll send you to an institution? Yeah, well, I didn’t do that, but I did something similar by accident. I mentioned some self-destructive/self-harming behaviors I’ve been engaged in lately, and I hit the legal liability trip wire. My therapist told me we couldn’t continue because it was against their policy.

I’m trying not to take it personally, but that’s easier said than done. I’m starting to remember how unusual I am, and it’s making it hard to find the confidence to reach out to new therapists. I feel like I don’t deserve help. I did manage to force myself to email one office today. Hopefully they re

I signed up to go to a board-game Meetup online, and I’m scared shitless. Isn’t that sad? Well, maybe it’s not sad, but I’m embarassed about how nervous I am about it. I’m 31 years old. I’m supposed to have my life together by now. I guess it’s fine. Every one of us is on his own journey, right? Sometimes I believe that, and sometimes I just think I’m a fuck up. Whatever. I’m forcing myself to go, one way or another. So wish me luck lol.

I think about killing myself by overdosing on drugs sometimes when I’m feeling really low. Tonight I’ve been dwelling on it a lot. I’m so tired, you know? I just can’t keep on going alone like this. I haven’t spoken to anyone face-to-face in six months.

I had a call with my therapist today, and I think she’s frustrated with me. I think I’m probably on the autism spectrum, and there’s just nothing anyone can do for me. I’m weird. I’m annoying. I’m aloof. I’m this. I’m that. Whatever. I’d be anything for anyone if I just knew how. I don’t know. Sometimes I just think the world has been overrun by evil, and it’s too late to fight back. The end of the world already happened decades ago, and we

Sometimes I think that even if I found someone to care about me and live with me that I still would go to sleep depressed every night. I don’t think this because I’m so cynical about myself and my ability to improve; I just wonder if this is something everyone experiences. Have you ever experienced relief from this? Or is this just a part of existence?