TwoGeese

I am currently the sole caretaker of my live-in 90 year old mother with dementia. My every waking second revolves around her and her needs. Needless to say, there are certain areas of the house that are outrageously cluttered. It's shocking how bad it is. A dear (capable) family member is taking her out of town for a month. I will have an entire month completely to myself! I have the garage, my office, my bedroom (with DIY remodeling projects), my bathroom, and a little bit of the backyard. How much should I realistically expect to accomplish in this time?

I do what I call "soft fasting". Meaning I'll still have a Dr. Zevia or two in the morning for caffeine (I hate coffee). Every few days I'll have three green olives stuffed with raw garlic. And sometimes I'll take a swig of Frank's Red Hot sauce. (I know ... weirdo). But even after several days I am genuinely not hungry. I'll go four or five days sometimes and I don't feel any hunger pangs. Is this normal? (I know the hot sauce thing isn't normal). But what is this?

But I take care of my elderly mother with dementia. My brother killed himself years ago. She depends on me so I'm completely trapped. Stuck in this hellscape. I have two different ways to do it. But I can't. Don't even have the freedom to fucking kill myself! 988 is a fucking joke. I am so beyond rage and fury. This world doesn't want me. I'm trapped in hell!

I was recently prescribed 1mg clonazepam daily (0.5 2x day). He told me not to drink which I haven't at all. But he also told me no Xanax (which I have a bunch of). But lately I've had to take Xanax because of the absolute rage and anxiety I get towards the end of the day. In those moments I'm out of my mind and I really want to self exit. I have the means. It's a struggle to not do it. I need immediate help in those moments. Will he be mad if I tell them that I took Xans too even though he told me not to? I really don't want to lose my benzo script.

My brother has been gone 30 years. He left a note. Many years later my mom and I pulled it out and read it again. It was angry. It wasn't him. We were sitting outside with a small fire pit going. After reading it we decided to burn it. We threw it into the fire and watched it disappear. We didn't want a physical manifestation of his anger in that note. It didn't represent him. Has anyone else burned or destroyed their LO's suicide note?

I'm thinking about going to a psych near me. They have great reviews. My nerves are on fire. Major past trauma. Constant rage and anxiety. I currently have farmapram on hand that I take a little every day. What do I need to say to get benzos? If they ask me if I am $uicidal...if I admit that I think about it every day, will they still give me benzos? I drink a lot too. Should I keep that stuff to myself? Or will they give me benzos to help me with that stuff?

My mom is celebrating her 90th birthday on a Friday next month. She loves mariachi bands. Are there any restaurants in the Phoenix area (preferably west valley) who have live mariachi on Friday nights?

I’m getting my first tattoo this Thursday. It’s going to cover most of my upper left arm and up onto the shoulder. (Thursday is the first of two scheduled sessions). I know some people might think this is a bit big for my first one. But it’s what I want. My question is how bad are the first few days afterwards? I have work and appointments scheduled for the next three days afterwards. Is that realistic? Or am I going to be curled up in the fetal position crying for a few days? TIA

My mother and I have lived in our home since 2011. The house is in my mother’s revocable trust. When she passes away, a sub trust will automatically be created. This sub trust will be irrevocable. We refinanced our home in 2021 and have an outstanding rate, over 5 points lower than the current rates. When she passes and the house transfers to the sub trust, will my mortgage company force me to refinance? To be clear I do NOT want to refinance. Will I be forced to?