deadbedted

A few people requested that I repost a response from awhile back. When giving The Talk, there's a playbook that many LLs will use (a/k/a the "LLitany") It was a response to a HLM, hence the LLF slant. I've updated it. Feel free to add.

Before deploying "The Talk", consider what you want out of life and whether or not your LL absolutely has to be part of it. If so, you're kind of in a pickle. If not, put all options on the table. Meet with a lawyer ahead of time, just in case things don't work out well (there's a high chance this blows things up--that's okay, though, as it means the relationship was already dead to begin with, and you were just wasting time.)

Before doing your version of Th

I've seen a few posts on here asking about what everyone's likes/dislikes are. It lead me to think-there are so many HLs who have been trying, unsuccessfully to change the LLs, coupled with the undying hope and frustration.

So my question, to those HLs chasing the rainbow of hope:

What would happen if your SO suddenly changed his or her world view and started initiating?

Would you be happy? Suspicious? Relieved?

I wonder how many on here keep trying and hoping out of habit and wouldn't know what to do if things did change in their favor.

I kind of envision something like this:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/281748

Okay, there have been a few posts about social media and device addiction (not porn, as I think that may need a different thread.) I've seen a few posts about spouses who spend great energy portraying a 'perfect' life, despite the reality.

I wonder if this is a delusion, a perception or just an addiction. Is the social media just taking over attention they're not getting from their SO, or their version of a porn addiction, a method to avoid person to person contact (i.e. to avoid social anxiety) or??

I also wonder what would happen if those of us in this dilemma gave a different ultimatum--no devices for a few hours on a given day of the week. (no cheating, no giving up when you have child

I've noticed a welcome influx of LL posters on this sub. I'm fascinated by the differing viewpoints, but since the comments are infrequent and scattered among various posts, I thought it would be more efficient to ask here. I know several LL posters who didn't want to post directly (only comment), and were fearful of a pillory situation. I'm hoping this will provide some insight. Feel free to add to the list of quesitons:

1. If you're in an mismatched libido relationship, how long was it before you realized the mismatch? Weeks, months, years?

2. Do you think about sex when your mate isn't bringing up the topic? If so, how often? And in what context?

3. Did you know of the mismatch prior

There have been a large number of posts about people remaining in DBs solely for the children. I'm very curious about this, and hope some who are going through it will enlighten.

Specifically, for those who are staying

1. Is the main reason time with the kids? Or finances? Or the fear of the LL getting a new mate?

2. Does your mate know that you are only there for the children's sake? Why or why not?

3. How do you keep this from the children? How long can you keep it from them?

4. how much ACTUAL time do you spend with your children between sleeping, school, work, activities, etc.?

5. Are you ever going to leave? If so, when and how?

6. Have you spoken with a lawyer?

7. How are you

This is spin off from "Therapist told me to have an affair (28M/31F)" in which a few people were discussing red flags in the dating scene, post breakup.

Ok, there have been a lot of texts and comments about duty sex, half hearted hand jobs, and the like. I was wondering:

If you, as the HL, are acting resentful, or awkward toward the LL's effort (even if it was less than enthusiastic), are you guilty of "starfishing" your SO?

EDIT: After reading some comments, I'm curious: If the LL is offering duty sex (or duty HJ) but making sure you know that it's unwelcome, I'm assuming the LL is purposefully trying to make the situation unpleasant, so you won't ask again. Natural instinct is to refuse or complain, feeding into the LL's warped view of sex as a "bad" thing.

What happens if you don't give a native response?

(I honestly don't know.)

From time to time, the wife and I will watch a porn together. She always insists that I find one. This last time, I insisted that she find something (it's a turn on for me to see what she likes.) I figured she'd have a favorite site or stash on her computer.

She pulls out her computer, opens a browser, goes to Google and....

Enters the search term

"Pornography"

I've been chuckling at how absurd that was ever since.

Original story here

Sorry for the wall of text. It's been a few months. The past month has been rough (one of my parents died and the other is in bad shape). We made it through and we're still plugging along. One thing I forgot to mention previously, the Wife is off BC pills (e-Sure), and now has a period (heavy) about every two weeks (WTF?) Built in sex suppression, I suppose.

A month or so ago I finally told her that I don't feel very loved or wanted. No blow up, no fight. She asked what she could do to change that. I was honestly puzzled by the request--how could someone not know ho

Me 45M, married 20+ years to 48F, childfree. I'm HL she started LLing about 5-6 years in. Frequency went from 3x /day to > 1 per year. She bounced back after some med changes to 1x per week, then it went back to 1x month, then 2x per year. It would lead to me having a meltdown, huge fights (which she never took seriously--always met with an eye roll and contempt.)

After a particularly painful rejection, followed by a blow up and her (literally) laughing it off, I finally threw out the divorce card and that seemed to shock her back into consciousness. This was a few years ago. We'd go about 2x per month, with a lot of fighting. Now, we're 1.5x week, I always initiate, much less fighting.