frevaastray

I know I’m at a low point, but it happens to be the lowest point of my life. I’ve struggled with my mental health since I was a young teen. I’m now 30 and I’m starting to truly understand how dysfunctional my life has really been. I never strode a chance. I have no money, no real home, very limited support (that comes at the literal cost of making life harder for those I love), no talent, no (more) passion, no friends (dead or moved away), and more I won’t list. I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 but I don’t know how much I trust that diagnoses. I have a dog that I had no choice but to have him live at my mom’s without me. I have failed at everything I’ve ever done. Everything I want out of life

My mind is split in two but I only get one.

A mental reorder to order my disorder.

She’s crossed a line so I drew one.

Time flew but so did her stuff out of my window.

Subtlety can restrict expression, but I’ll leave that to your discretion.

I’ve abandoned form and function, I’ve broken the fourth wall.

I guess this is what happens when she leaves and takes it all.

I’m using pain an excuse to hate on her, to that end I beg that you excuse me.

Within you and without you, wait George wrote that.

I do fine on my own for now, and look here comes the sun.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/6VsdMlPPKm

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/hMFGVoBqJR

(Go ahead and give a critique

He was my friend by GP

When death came to bring his soul

from this plane to the next.

I felt the weight of our memories

It simply left me perplexed.

How could one so full of life

so grounded and tenaciously wise.

Let himself be dragged in down

by false love and drunken lies?

Quiet and peaceful within a hospice.

His mind scattered and roaring.

The orange hues of midday.

The twilight of him soaring.

Death was gentle upon his arrival

He no longer had to worry

about his constant survival

I hope death will be as gentle with me.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/FmIbK8ygEO

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/tV4NygTMmD

I hope that it storms. GP

So many thoughts weigh on my soul.

Too many memories to unfold.

In my reflection, I’ve gotten old.

All I crave, someone to hold.

I’ve lost so many, no time to mourn.

I’ve loved and lost, my heart is torn.

The wind it blows, I stand forlorn.

The earth she sings, I hope that it storms.

In times of sorrow, I stand alone.

Relentless is the urge to roam.

All my mistakes, I should’ve known.

From my blunders I have grown.

So here I lay, my mind disquiet.

I try my best not to fight it.

She made a promise, I could’ve sworn.

I listen to the wind, and hope that it storms.

(I know I got repetitive with some words and phrases, but I’m horribly depressed

Go ahead and take this down. I know you will. Fuck me if I don’t have the mental capacity to critique (and posts links to said critiques) for two poems for every one poem I have. God dammit can’t I catch a fucking break?

I hope that it storms. GP

So many thoughts weigh on my soul.

Too many memories to unfold.

In my reflection, I’ve gotten old.

All I crave, someone to hold.

I’ve lost so many, no time to mourn.

I’ve loved and lost, my heart is torn.

The wind it blows, I stand forlorn.

The earth she sings, I hope that it storms.

In times of sorrow, I stand alone.

Relentless is the urge to roam.

All my mistakes, I should’ve known.

From my blunders I have grown.

So here I lay, my mind disquiet.

I try my best not to fight it.

She made a promise, I could’ve sworn.

I listen to the wind, and hope that it storms.

My best friend died. We knew each other since we were kids. We grew up together and lived together a couple times. He was 32 when he died and I’m 30. It was a long friendship but not long enough. I’m not okay. I have no friends anymore. I’m tired and trying my very hardest not to give up on finding love. I’m at the lowest point in my life and I seriously need a change. I don’t think I’m ever going to get a better life. I’m going to be alone and stuck in poverty until the day I die. I’m so tired.

I have a disorder that makes me 2.5 times more likely to commit suicide. I go through periods of feeling okay, but as soon as my depression comes back so does the SI. The urge to do it is scariest when the idea that my family isn’t enough to keep me from doing it. That’s what I’m experiencing right now. Why should I stay alive when all I really am is a hindrance to their lives. A financial and emotional burden. I crave joining my sister in whatever is next. It’s like it was always meant to be that my brother would end up an only child. Life hasn’t worked out for me. At the very least by this age I was hoping to be in love by 30. Instead I’m a single 30 year old man that failed school and is

I will not ever give up on finding love. Ever!

Loneliness kills but hope still burns. Suddenly you’re there. Two pieces become whole. One piece breaks in two. Left alone, half what I was. Roaming in search of what I once had. The bar has been set and nothing compares. The cold that comes with being alone. It can’t be true that we’re not meant to be. Time forgets to heal this wound. I keep a line open because hope still burns.

It’s been five years and I know in another life we’re together. I hate how much control you still have over me. I’ve seriously tried to move on. I just can’t. You make it worse by continuing to call and text me. You were one in a million which is why it’s been so hard to find anyone that can make me feel as safe a

When I was diagnosed, they told me I met certain criteria for hypomania. I’m going to list them and I ask that you guys give me your opinion please because if I don’t need to be on these medications I don’t want to be. I’m not asking for you to diagnose me, just to give me your opinion based on the information I give.

inflated self esteem- I don’t have an inflated self esteem when I’m not as depressed. I still feel pretty bad about myself.

Decreased need for sleep- but that’s never been true. I need at least eight hours if not more when I’m depressed.

Being more talkative- but isn’t that just the result of coming out of isolation from depression?

Distractability- I was diagnosed with a

This is going to be a very difficult post to write due to the aforementioned brain fog in the title. I don’t know what to do when this happens. I get depressed and hopeless. Time stops feeling right and it speeds up to the point where a month can pass and it feels like a day or two. During all of this, I get extreme brain fog. It’s taken me five or ten minutes just to write this because I keep forgetting what I want to say.

What can I do about this? I wish I could think of more to add to this question but I can’t. It feels like my brain is working but it’s in very thick pudding or soup. I need a break. A vacation.

I used to view suicide as a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It was akin to skipping to the end of a book and missing out on all the most important parts of it. Now, since my diagnosis of bipolar 2 disorder, I see suicide (in my case) to be a permanent solution to a permanent problem.

All of the goals and dreams I had for the future were already hard to obtain. Now they seem impossible. The moment I got the diagnosis my average lifespan was shortened because of the morbidity and mortality rates among those with our disorder. The idea that I will never get better is too much to handle. Even if I do everything perfectly and find the right meds, I will still have never ending highs