lmirise

They put me on ADD meds finally, and 2 months later it's like, no impossible to be organized and productive. Haven't missed an assignment or class yet this semester, and the worst part of my life at the moment is the small anxiety I'm getting from like, being on schedule: I don't know what to do with myself if I'm not scrambling last minute to complete work I've had for weeks, lol. I've been spending my free time playing shit tons of WoW with my friends, playing piano, and going out with this really sweet girl that I'm infatuated with.

Like, 4 months ago, I was an alcoholic, suicidal mess. 6 months before that, I was admitted to a psych ward for suicidal ideation. A few months before that,

I've been seeing a lot of rant/exhaustion/etc posts around recently, and I sympathize. I've spent all semester mired in a severe bout of major depression. However, I'm finally manic and my new ADHD meds are working, so I finally have energy to write this. Here are a few things I tell myself/do (or at least things my psychiatrist keeps saying I should do) when I'm overwhelmed and depressed.

First and foremost: now is a horrible time for any activity, but especially for an already challenging experience like college. Everyone is burnt out, being burnt out is a perfectly natural, valid, and expected way to feel at the end of 2020. Second: As my psychiatrist is constantly telling me, your ment

Embrace the beautiful sunsets

You call silences

Let them hold you sweetly, caringly

Lovingly, beautiful little ones

That rest between the heart and the soul

That linger in the orange and reds,

Against the clear blue skies

.

Where did summer go?

All the well, bring on winter

At least we have each other

To keep us warm

.

Up through the mountains

And the winding autumn roads at night

Till the farms, smog, and traffic

All the machinery of progress

Fade softly into something other

.

Till we cower under infinity

Silent, freezing,

Before all the glimmering of silver angels

Singing their silent hymnals through the pines and oaks

And if we tune our ea

So, title kind of says it all. Used to be that depression would last a >month, mania anywhere between a few weeks to a month. The last few months (esp. Since corona started), my cycles have gotten a lot shorter.

Like, I was pretty manic (spent about 1000 dollars on Amazon purchases in a three day time period, went on a date where I basically just word vomited for about two hours, worked out twice a day every day, etc) from like, a week and a half ago through to today, before that I was depressed for maybe three weeks (fuck, I really need to start tracking my mood again, basing all this off of Amazon shopping sprees and the tone of poetry in my notes makes timelines hard), and today I've

Hold me, my sweet

My darling, beautiful one

.

Let me feel your heart beat in my chest

Push the world away from me

And be every best part of my imperfections

My breath, my pulse, my life

.

Make me wanted with your hands

Gorgeous with your eyes

Loved with your soul

-----------Past Critiques------------

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/hvw2s4/selfmotivation_rhyme/fyziykz?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/hvy32f/a_nonsense/fyzjh92?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

I sit here at the intersection

Of Main and Court

Contemplating the logistics of a suicide

A step to the road, one last breath of cold air to grace my lungs, then a trip into traffic

Will I feel the cars tear at me?

For how long?

Will the tire tread or the bumper plate hit me first,

And which will hurt more, the slam of my body into asphalt or the grind of machinery

Rending and ripping

And what of after

Will there be wonder or silence?

And do I even have a preference between the two?

‐----------------------------------

Note: I am not currently suicidal, this is an older poem from a time when I was. Past critique:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/hw5vda/bias

Hey ya'll! Just got accepted into Berkeley as a transfer. Looking to live in the apartments Berkeley offers, but I do have an issue. I'm currently in the National Guard, and I'm required to show up in Modesto one weekend a month, which is going to be difficult if I can't bring my car to Berkeley.

I've heard parking is a nightmare, and I'm having trouble making sense of what the policies are on students having cars/parking them. I really just need a way to safely park my vehicle for most of the month so that I can have it to make my monthly pilgrimage to Modesto. Any advice on how I can accomplish this?

​

Thanks!

Got diagnosed with bipolar affective about a month ago, and got put on seroquel, 50mg a night. The first week or two was great: got a new job, got back together with my ex, started going to the gym, but this last week has been kind of bad. Kind of realizing that though the seroquel is helping, it hasn't fully like, stopped the swings between being manic and depressed.

My internal "you're just a piece of crap" monologue has made a fun comeback, now with an added paranoia where I feel like I'm not actually bipolar or anything, that I'm actually just weak and bad at life. I feel like people who really have bipolar have like actual problems, and my issues just stem from a bad character or some

I've been reading some Indian philosophy, and I found that I agree with the idea of a non-dual, singular Ulimate Reality found in the Advaita Vedanta school. I was wondering if there's any Western works (either commentary or original) that discusses a similar topic. Just looking for a different perspective.

So, my unit offered to let me take the SIFT. I didn't really know what it was exactly, but I figured why not take it, just to have it on my resume. Well, I actually passed it this morning, so what do I do now, if I have any interest in trying to go aviation?

I feel like it'd make sense for the government to have like, a stockpile of money for a rainy day, but it also feels dumb that they'd just have like, an account at Chase or something. Do they have a place they store money, or does everything get spent?

So, I'm a Weekend Warrior in California. Once a month, I drive up to an armory, sit around on my phone, and occasionally do some military-adjacent work.

Be me, last weekend, trying to remove an antenna mount from the back of a humvee. I reach under the tire well to try and reach the back screws, and then I feel a burning on my hand. I figure, "Fuck it, it's just hot metal, I'll be fine." Then, the burning moved. I pull my hand, and three wasps are fucking my shit up. The Battalion Command Sergeant Major, who's standing near me (I was trying to fix his truck's radio system) laughs, I curse like a soldier, etc etc. Then, I decided to see where else the wasps might be.

Turns out, wasps loo